Dogs are wise. They crawl away into a quiet corner and lick their wounds and do not rejoin the world until they are whole once more.
Agatha Christie
Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.
Maya Angelou
Some people are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much, but you have to crawl into your wounds to discover where your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin.
Tori Amos
A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song. - by Angelou, Maya.
And now, I bid you goodnight!
Friday, August 5, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
ankle surgery: a breakdown
NOTE: *** I had written this yesterday, and then deleted it because a conversation I had made me feel weird about putting this up. I woke up today, though, and realized that I wanted to share my experience, how I felt during it, all I had gone through, taken, felt etc because this blog is as much about me remembering things I have done in my life as it is about sharing it with others. So here it is again.***
Well, I have finally bitten the bullet and got my ankle reconstructed! I have gotten ankle surgery to fix two very stretched out ligaments on the outside of my ankle that I injured while in gymnastics years ago. The surgery consisted of cutting each of the two ligaments, and then overlapping the two halves (in order to shorten them), and suturing them back together. So it is a simple procedure (it was only an hour), but with a massive recovery process (4 months until full recovery.)
I went to Vancouver with my mom last Thursday, and on Friday I got ankle surgery at the Cambie Clinic in the city. I was SO effing nervous for it. So much so, that for the two days leading up, it was all I could do not to cry at all times...and I did my fair share of crying. I have an emotional nerve attached to my ankle, so it was a scary thing to contemplate. Thursday evening was nice though. My mom took me to a really nice Italian restaurant near my hotel, so that was nice. We were also put into a room with one bed, which wouldn`t have worked out with me getting surgery, so mom fought for it and the hotel gave us a room with two beds. Thank goodness! I wasn`t allowed to eat anything before the surgery starting at midnight the night before, so I had a huge dinner, and LOTS of water, and dessert with mom ending at 11:30pm.
In the morning, I got up late and then mom and I walked over to a dress shop for about an hour. I was too nervous to really appreciate it, but it was still good to have a distraction. Then we walked over to the Cambie Surgery Centre. I filled out a form, and then within 10 mins mom and I were led up some stairs and I was put into a change room where I changed into a hospital gown and then waited around foreeeever. The surgery was supposed to be at 1:15, but ended up being at 2:15. I was fitted for crutches, had a good talk with my mom, the anesthetician, the surgeon and the nurse, and then was lead into the OR.
I looked around the OR, and was lead to the surgical bed in the middle of the room. I was given an IV pretty soon, and within 10 mins was given the general anesthetic. I remember breathing deep, my heart pounding, the world getting dimmer, and feeling extremely hot before drifting off to sleep.
I woke up (in what felt like seconds) still in the OR! The operation was over, but the nurses were surprised that I was awake so soon...most people wake up in the recovery room. I vaguely remember asking if it had gone well...and they said it had, and I must have made a pain sound because the nurse asked if my ankle hurt and it really, REALLY did, so they wheeled me into the recovery room and gave me a shot of something. I fell back asleep after that. I woke up again absolutely shaking everywhere. Not only from cold (because it was chilly in the room) but also because I guess I was having some sort of shock reaction. They gave me some oxygen and eventually the shaking stopped. My ankle was beginning to really hurt a lot again, so they gave me 3 Oxycontin pills, the pain stopped, and I became SOOOOO out of it.
I guess they have phoned my mom so tell her to stop by the clinic, get my prescriptions and fill them, and then that I was ready for pick up. I was completely drugged out when I saw mom, but i was SO happy that I got to see her finally. I had spent almost 2 hours with the nurses in the recovery room, to get the pills, have apple juice and eat 2 crackers. I was transferred into a wheelchair so I could see mom, and from there was transferred into a cab, and then into another wheelchair when I got to the hotel, and then I was put into bed and had a sleep. Mom ordered me some wonton soup, and halfway through, I needed to get more pain meds, and promptly lost the ability to use my utensils, so my mom (being the Goddess she was), began to feed me, hahah.
Then basically the next two days were the same: hell. And not just for me, but for my mom as well. I wasn`t so drugged out I was no longer recognizable as myself, I was in so much pain I couldn`t speak through the tears. My mom was tirelessly looking after me, giving me pills every two hours including through the night, getting me food, keeping me sane, and helping me wash myself. The whole time I had keep my leg elevated and I kept drifting off into sleep when I could. I love my mom so much...seriously...she is the best. She endured me and my process so well, endured crippling boredom, me not laughing at jokes, my tears, my inarticulate babbling, absolutely disrupted sleep, and more...and all because she loves me and is the bes mother in the whole world. Some of my friends also made really good contact with me, making sure I was alright, keeping my spirits as high as they could, and I appreciated that to no end. Lisi came and visited me while in the hotel, and that hour and a half was just lovely. Ali came to visit me when I finally got back home and brought a bouquet of flowers (with lilies!) Gen and Sarah (and Ali as well), were texting me each day to make sure I was alright, and to keep my mind off of negative stuff. Tauhid also texted, but also Skyped me several times, which was very nice (just to name a few.) The people in the hotel were super nice to me as well. One man in the elevator on my first day back in the hotel was super supportive, and patted my hand, and made sure I had lots of room in the elevator. Some people are just so nice when given the opportunity.
On Sunday, I was able to go home. I was excited to be around my family, but it was quite an adventure getting there. I had to get into the wheelchair (and it really hurt because whenever my leg wasn't elevated it swelled, which was excruciating.) Then I had a painful cab ride to the airport. When we got there, there was a man waiting with a wheelchair, and he wheeled me to the Maple Leaf Lounge to wait for my flight. Then I had to go through security, and the stupid guard lady wanted to take off my cast to search it and give my leg a pat down...and I was like..um...FUCK NO. So she didn't ,and I got onto the aiplane. Oh my god, the first part of the plane ride hurt SO badly because there was nowhere to elevate my leg, and we were delayed, so man it sucked. Eventually I was able to put my leg up on mom's lap, which felt better. Once the plane took off, mom took her bag down and I put my leg up on that, and had a nap after some Ibuprofen. Soon, mom woke me up, gave me more Oxycontin, and I was completely out of it when we landed in Calgary. Dad picked us up after wheeling through the airport with a nice lady from the concierge, and it was lovely to see him. I got home, settled into the basement bed (in front of the tv), and have been there for 5 days now. (on my sixth day now.)
I am bed ridden for 9 more days (including today) before I get my dressings removed, (keeping my walking cast on), and then can start weight bearing on it. Days have been pretty long, with less and less pain each day (though even today it still hurts quite a bit.) I have now downgraded from Oxycontin to T3s every 4 hours, with extra strength Ibuprofen every alternating 4 hours. I have watched a LOT of television and movies...let me teeeeell you. I am getting extremely impatient to start walking around...and I don't really like being this stationary and dependent, but I am very excited to start physio in 9 days, and start my road to recovery. My surgeon said he can forsee no reason why I wouldn't be dancing in September, and that was a HUGE relief. I am going to take each day as it comes, keep as positive as I can, rely on the positivity of those around me and those people I am blessed to have on my life and who care about me, and work very hard until I will be better than I was going into this whole thing.
Hopefully there will be another update next week when I can tell you how I am progressing even more.
Until then,
Kesinee
Well, I have finally bitten the bullet and got my ankle reconstructed! I have gotten ankle surgery to fix two very stretched out ligaments on the outside of my ankle that I injured while in gymnastics years ago. The surgery consisted of cutting each of the two ligaments, and then overlapping the two halves (in order to shorten them), and suturing them back together. So it is a simple procedure (it was only an hour), but with a massive recovery process (4 months until full recovery.)
I went to Vancouver with my mom last Thursday, and on Friday I got ankle surgery at the Cambie Clinic in the city. I was SO effing nervous for it. So much so, that for the two days leading up, it was all I could do not to cry at all times...and I did my fair share of crying. I have an emotional nerve attached to my ankle, so it was a scary thing to contemplate. Thursday evening was nice though. My mom took me to a really nice Italian restaurant near my hotel, so that was nice. We were also put into a room with one bed, which wouldn`t have worked out with me getting surgery, so mom fought for it and the hotel gave us a room with two beds. Thank goodness! I wasn`t allowed to eat anything before the surgery starting at midnight the night before, so I had a huge dinner, and LOTS of water, and dessert with mom ending at 11:30pm.
In the morning, I got up late and then mom and I walked over to a dress shop for about an hour. I was too nervous to really appreciate it, but it was still good to have a distraction. Then we walked over to the Cambie Surgery Centre. I filled out a form, and then within 10 mins mom and I were led up some stairs and I was put into a change room where I changed into a hospital gown and then waited around foreeeever. The surgery was supposed to be at 1:15, but ended up being at 2:15. I was fitted for crutches, had a good talk with my mom, the anesthetician, the surgeon and the nurse, and then was lead into the OR.
I looked around the OR, and was lead to the surgical bed in the middle of the room. I was given an IV pretty soon, and within 10 mins was given the general anesthetic. I remember breathing deep, my heart pounding, the world getting dimmer, and feeling extremely hot before drifting off to sleep.
I woke up (in what felt like seconds) still in the OR! The operation was over, but the nurses were surprised that I was awake so soon...most people wake up in the recovery room. I vaguely remember asking if it had gone well...and they said it had, and I must have made a pain sound because the nurse asked if my ankle hurt and it really, REALLY did, so they wheeled me into the recovery room and gave me a shot of something. I fell back asleep after that. I woke up again absolutely shaking everywhere. Not only from cold (because it was chilly in the room) but also because I guess I was having some sort of shock reaction. They gave me some oxygen and eventually the shaking stopped. My ankle was beginning to really hurt a lot again, so they gave me 3 Oxycontin pills, the pain stopped, and I became SOOOOO out of it.
I guess they have phoned my mom so tell her to stop by the clinic, get my prescriptions and fill them, and then that I was ready for pick up. I was completely drugged out when I saw mom, but i was SO happy that I got to see her finally. I had spent almost 2 hours with the nurses in the recovery room, to get the pills, have apple juice and eat 2 crackers. I was transferred into a wheelchair so I could see mom, and from there was transferred into a cab, and then into another wheelchair when I got to the hotel, and then I was put into bed and had a sleep. Mom ordered me some wonton soup, and halfway through, I needed to get more pain meds, and promptly lost the ability to use my utensils, so my mom (being the Goddess she was), began to feed me, hahah.
Then basically the next two days were the same: hell. And not just for me, but for my mom as well. I wasn`t so drugged out I was no longer recognizable as myself, I was in so much pain I couldn`t speak through the tears. My mom was tirelessly looking after me, giving me pills every two hours including through the night, getting me food, keeping me sane, and helping me wash myself. The whole time I had keep my leg elevated and I kept drifting off into sleep when I could. I love my mom so much...seriously...she is the best. She endured me and my process so well, endured crippling boredom, me not laughing at jokes, my tears, my inarticulate babbling, absolutely disrupted sleep, and more...and all because she loves me and is the bes mother in the whole world. Some of my friends also made really good contact with me, making sure I was alright, keeping my spirits as high as they could, and I appreciated that to no end. Lisi came and visited me while in the hotel, and that hour and a half was just lovely. Ali came to visit me when I finally got back home and brought a bouquet of flowers (with lilies!) Gen and Sarah (and Ali as well), were texting me each day to make sure I was alright, and to keep my mind off of negative stuff. Tauhid also texted, but also Skyped me several times, which was very nice (just to name a few.) The people in the hotel were super nice to me as well. One man in the elevator on my first day back in the hotel was super supportive, and patted my hand, and made sure I had lots of room in the elevator. Some people are just so nice when given the opportunity.
On Sunday, I was able to go home. I was excited to be around my family, but it was quite an adventure getting there. I had to get into the wheelchair (and it really hurt because whenever my leg wasn't elevated it swelled, which was excruciating.) Then I had a painful cab ride to the airport. When we got there, there was a man waiting with a wheelchair, and he wheeled me to the Maple Leaf Lounge to wait for my flight. Then I had to go through security, and the stupid guard lady wanted to take off my cast to search it and give my leg a pat down...and I was like..um...FUCK NO. So she didn't ,and I got onto the aiplane. Oh my god, the first part of the plane ride hurt SO badly because there was nowhere to elevate my leg, and we were delayed, so man it sucked. Eventually I was able to put my leg up on mom's lap, which felt better. Once the plane took off, mom took her bag down and I put my leg up on that, and had a nap after some Ibuprofen. Soon, mom woke me up, gave me more Oxycontin, and I was completely out of it when we landed in Calgary. Dad picked us up after wheeling through the airport with a nice lady from the concierge, and it was lovely to see him. I got home, settled into the basement bed (in front of the tv), and have been there for 5 days now. (on my sixth day now.)
I am bed ridden for 9 more days (including today) before I get my dressings removed, (keeping my walking cast on), and then can start weight bearing on it. Days have been pretty long, with less and less pain each day (though even today it still hurts quite a bit.) I have now downgraded from Oxycontin to T3s every 4 hours, with extra strength Ibuprofen every alternating 4 hours. I have watched a LOT of television and movies...let me teeeeell you. I am getting extremely impatient to start walking around...and I don't really like being this stationary and dependent, but I am very excited to start physio in 9 days, and start my road to recovery. My surgeon said he can forsee no reason why I wouldn't be dancing in September, and that was a HUGE relief. I am going to take each day as it comes, keep as positive as I can, rely on the positivity of those around me and those people I am blessed to have on my life and who care about me, and work very hard until I will be better than I was going into this whole thing.
Hopefully there will be another update next week when I can tell you how I am progressing even more.
Until then,
Kesinee
Monday, May 23, 2011
My life is about to change!
It's official. I am moving to London, England in September 2011! I have made the decision to go to Mountview Academy of Theatre Arts for an MA in Musical Theatre over GSA and Arts Ed, and I can hardly wait to get started! I've loved the school for a long time, loved the summer program, will be living IN the city of London, and have already set up who my individual singing lessons will be with! (He has taught the likes of Kerry Ellis-Elphaba on the West End, and Sheridan Smith-Elle Woods on the West End), and realized I have more connections to the professional theatre world in London than I do here....which blows my mind every time i think about it. That said, I have to look at things in perspective. I am going to miss my friends, my family and Canada very much! I must admit that I feel like part of me has already moved to London...like my heart...but I am going to work to make this the most wonderful summer I can. I don't know when I will be back in Canada after these next three months, so I am going to make some incredible memories to compliment the wonderful ones I have already made here. I have to run off here, but I hope to update this blog more often. That is a habit I want to get into before I leave so that this can be one of many ways of staying in contact with my life back here! Lots of Love! Until next time, blog world!
<3 Kesinee <3
<3 Kesinee <3
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
edit: Will post later
decided to delete my last post, but it can't actually BE deleted, so I am doing this instead! NOW back to house cleaning!
Until next time,
Kesinee
Until next time,
Kesinee
Thursday, March 10, 2011
so true
“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”
Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
and that is all,
<3 Kesinee
Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
and that is all,
<3 Kesinee
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Twelfth Night musings
Well Jesus...my last show in the Phoenix has come, run its course, and has now ended. It was a hit, I loved the role (Feste), loved the cast, the show (Twelfth Night), the crew...everything. I am going to remember everything about it forever, and am so glad that I had an opportunity to be part of something so wonderful. It has made me so excited to get into the "real world" and start working...I could actually potentially possibly have a career in this crazy ass industry. Closing party was rad too! When I have more time to expand I will, but I only have like...6 minutes right now. I also experienced something may actors do, but I have not really experienced as strongly as this time: post-show depression. You have a wonderful ride, live on adrenaline and coffee and then all of a sudden it's gone, and you crash you get tired, realize how little of a social life you have, feel lonely, can't sleep, but know you'll get though somehow. And I will get though, and I will succeed because I have to, and want to, and I've realized something important these past few days. I would love a career in this industry, and even being well known for it would be amazing, but none of that is more important than my happiness. I will struggle and fight for what I love because I love it and it makes me happy and that is non negotiable. Also...holy balls I am graduating soon...freeeeeeeeeeaking out has begun to commence. This, too, shall pass. Ok, out of time. Until the next time.
Kesinee
Kesinee
Saturday, December 18, 2010
The Future: half baked brainstorms
Ok, so I've been home and have had lots of time to think about what I want my life to look like in the years coming up. I guess this is a post in which I kind of brainstorm about what it is I want to do with myself!
First, for the very short term: I've already applied to the JET Programme exchange with G, which is pretty cool I wasn't expecting to apply to this, but then I thought...why the heck not? It's such a cool opportunity. Teaching English in a Japanese school for a year. I got the application in with a mere ten or so minutes to spare, but it was postmarked for the correct date, and BAM, that is done. I am hoping I at least get an interview for this job. It would be an amazing experience, and the money's not too shabby either!
As for other applications, I am hoping to get the musical theatre ones sent off this week to Arts Ed (not musical theatre, but it has dance and singing in it), Guildford, and Mountview of course! All of these are one year Masters programs. God I want to do this SO badly...I've wanted to go to London for musical theatre for years...probably around 6 years or more. After going last summer it just solidified that fact. I know I meant to do musicals in my life, I just don't know to which extent. Small or big stages...local or international...we'll just have to see, I suppose. All I know is that I feel the most alive and happy and confident when I am doing musicals...and singing in general. As scary as it is to audition and the prospect of being rejected, it feels good to know that I am taking real steps towards the future I want. I will keep everyone updated as to the status of my applications as I find out.
There is something that MAY stand in my way for MFAs in Musical Theatre this year though. That is my ankle. My injured, painful loose little ankle. I finally went to see a Sports Med Doctor to see if I actually need surgery on it. He said I really do, and even if I wanted to do musicals as just a hobby and not a career like I do, he'd recommend it. I have two ligament on the outer side of my right ankle that have been so stretched and so damaged so many times and for such a long time that they are now unable to heal at all. They are so loose that rolling my ankle happens way too much, and too easily and (this is kind of gross) when he made my lie on my back with my leg bent, he was able to hold my foot down, and move my leg around on the top of my foot (without the foot moving) more than an inch each way because of how loose it is. SO, I will probably be getting said surgery in the summer of this coming year...so HOPEFULLY the fucker won't bug me anymore afterwards. BUT the problem is that I wanted to audition for schools this summer...which includes dancing...so instead, I am going to send in the applications, and then email the contacts I've made over this summer, and see if anything can be arrange. Something like me bringing a tape of a movement project, and still doing the acting and singing part, or something like that. If it all goes my way, I'll get into all of these places, choose the best one, rock that year like crazy, get in a show right away and become a dazzling West End star! But we'll have to see! If I don't get in and i DO get in to do the JET programme, then I'll do that.
I am also hoping to start making plans about what I'll do if I don't get accepted to any of this! I am hoping to move to either Toronto or Montreal (but honestly Toronto is more appealing to me...more commerical theatre) with some of my friends and we can live as poor but eager theatre kids in the real world. I have been realizing more and more that without good friends and surrounding love and happiness, nothing else matters. I have wonderful friends I've made from elementary school, and I've made amazing friends in University and I know I have to keep in touch or I just won't be fulfilled in life. I can't live without love, even if that means I won't ever be recognized in the field I want to be in. (though, if I have my way I'll have both!)
After that, I just hope I can always do theatre, and singing, and dance to be honest. Even if i never get famous, or never get on a big stage, I want to continue doing these things. I just wouldn't be me if I weren't a dramatic kid who bursts into songs at the drop of a dime, and dances like a maniac if I want to. So there.
Now, none of these plans are concrete, and that is exciting, but it is also terrifying! I have to believe that whatever happens is meant to happen and will make me a better person for experiencing whatever it is. With belief in myself, and support of others, and it going vise versa as well, I do feel like I'll be alright in the end, and won't die of some flesh eating disease while living in a dumpster, but I don't even notice because I've gone crazy and actually believe I am Ethel Merman while constantly rocking back and forth endlessly singing about how "there's NO business like SHOOOOWW business, like NOOO business I KNOOOOOOWWWWW."
So yes, there are some half baked plans that I would like to achieve some time in my life. I hope some if not all can happen!
Now for something completely different: my parents are coming home from Malta today, and I am SO stoked to see them! I am going to pick them up from the airport in about half an hour! The house is even super clean so they won't get mad, hahah! I've gotten all of my Christmas presents bought, and I will wrap them after I pick up les parents. After that I plan on baking cheesecake tarts and almond balls for Christmas! On that note, I think I can bid the net adieu! I'll write more once I have something actually exciting to talk about! Toodles for now!
Kes <3
First, for the very short term: I've already applied to the JET Programme exchange with G, which is pretty cool I wasn't expecting to apply to this, but then I thought...why the heck not? It's such a cool opportunity. Teaching English in a Japanese school for a year. I got the application in with a mere ten or so minutes to spare, but it was postmarked for the correct date, and BAM, that is done. I am hoping I at least get an interview for this job. It would be an amazing experience, and the money's not too shabby either!
As for other applications, I am hoping to get the musical theatre ones sent off this week to Arts Ed (not musical theatre, but it has dance and singing in it), Guildford, and Mountview of course! All of these are one year Masters programs. God I want to do this SO badly...I've wanted to go to London for musical theatre for years...probably around 6 years or more. After going last summer it just solidified that fact. I know I meant to do musicals in my life, I just don't know to which extent. Small or big stages...local or international...we'll just have to see, I suppose. All I know is that I feel the most alive and happy and confident when I am doing musicals...and singing in general. As scary as it is to audition and the prospect of being rejected, it feels good to know that I am taking real steps towards the future I want. I will keep everyone updated as to the status of my applications as I find out.
There is something that MAY stand in my way for MFAs in Musical Theatre this year though. That is my ankle. My injured, painful loose little ankle. I finally went to see a Sports Med Doctor to see if I actually need surgery on it. He said I really do, and even if I wanted to do musicals as just a hobby and not a career like I do, he'd recommend it. I have two ligament on the outer side of my right ankle that have been so stretched and so damaged so many times and for such a long time that they are now unable to heal at all. They are so loose that rolling my ankle happens way too much, and too easily and (this is kind of gross) when he made my lie on my back with my leg bent, he was able to hold my foot down, and move my leg around on the top of my foot (without the foot moving) more than an inch each way because of how loose it is. SO, I will probably be getting said surgery in the summer of this coming year...so HOPEFULLY the fucker won't bug me anymore afterwards. BUT the problem is that I wanted to audition for schools this summer...which includes dancing...so instead, I am going to send in the applications, and then email the contacts I've made over this summer, and see if anything can be arrange. Something like me bringing a tape of a movement project, and still doing the acting and singing part, or something like that. If it all goes my way, I'll get into all of these places, choose the best one, rock that year like crazy, get in a show right away and become a dazzling West End star! But we'll have to see! If I don't get in and i DO get in to do the JET programme, then I'll do that.
I am also hoping to start making plans about what I'll do if I don't get accepted to any of this! I am hoping to move to either Toronto or Montreal (but honestly Toronto is more appealing to me...more commerical theatre) with some of my friends and we can live as poor but eager theatre kids in the real world. I have been realizing more and more that without good friends and surrounding love and happiness, nothing else matters. I have wonderful friends I've made from elementary school, and I've made amazing friends in University and I know I have to keep in touch or I just won't be fulfilled in life. I can't live without love, even if that means I won't ever be recognized in the field I want to be in. (though, if I have my way I'll have both!)
After that, I just hope I can always do theatre, and singing, and dance to be honest. Even if i never get famous, or never get on a big stage, I want to continue doing these things. I just wouldn't be me if I weren't a dramatic kid who bursts into songs at the drop of a dime, and dances like a maniac if I want to. So there.
Now, none of these plans are concrete, and that is exciting, but it is also terrifying! I have to believe that whatever happens is meant to happen and will make me a better person for experiencing whatever it is. With belief in myself, and support of others, and it going vise versa as well, I do feel like I'll be alright in the end, and won't die of some flesh eating disease while living in a dumpster, but I don't even notice because I've gone crazy and actually believe I am Ethel Merman while constantly rocking back and forth endlessly singing about how "there's NO business like SHOOOOWW business, like NOOO business I KNOOOOOOWWWWW."
So yes, there are some half baked plans that I would like to achieve some time in my life. I hope some if not all can happen!
Now for something completely different: my parents are coming home from Malta today, and I am SO stoked to see them! I am going to pick them up from the airport in about half an hour! The house is even super clean so they won't get mad, hahah! I've gotten all of my Christmas presents bought, and I will wrap them after I pick up les parents. After that I plan on baking cheesecake tarts and almond balls for Christmas! On that note, I think I can bid the net adieu! I'll write more once I have something actually exciting to talk about! Toodles for now!
Kes <3
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