...this is a super late post, and I don't remember EVERYTHING from the last week, but I though I would post it, mostly so I don't forget everything in this coming year.
Sunday:
a few of us went to go see Jersey Boys matinee. I really liked it, and I know some of Frankie Valli's songs to begin with. Man...the staging was brilliant as well. At one point, the staging was flipped around so it felt like we were backstage watching Frankie Valli and his band playing to the audience with bright lights, and we saw the stage managers and such downstage...it was so simple, but just beautiful. After the show, we got to meet and have a picture with some of the cast mates, and met the musical director who had gotten us cheap tickets and super nice ones as well! the front row of the second section, so it was raised up and had a TON of leg room! After that we wandered around a bit, had some dinner, and just chilled out at Chester House. We had a small dance rehearsal which not many people showed up to at all, hahah guess we know who's here to be serious! Ah well, my voice is pretty much better, so with a good sleep, I know I'll be alright!
Monday:
Again, up at 6:30 for breakfast with the clan. I think we had boiled ham, eggs, and rolls, which was pretty alright. We tubed and bussed over to Mountview for 9:15 to go through dances and do a vocal warm up before our first class of the day. I am really enjoying being a dance captain. I feel like because I am a bit older than most people, and because I have been taking initiative in the duties we've been assigned that everyone listens and respects me, which is super nice. The only class we had in the morning was a masterclass with the musical director of Sweet Charity. Basically for the whole morning, we learned the whole "Rhythm of Life" song. it's funny because I had actually learned this song while in Young Canadians, but I had learned the pg versin, and it had been a lot shorter as well. I was kind of annoyed at our group today, actually, because here we were with this AMAZING teacher who is working ON the West End, and some of the class couldn't even stop talking for three hours to learn some amazing things. Ah well, I can only focus on what I am doing, and so overall I really liked this! I love the song, and think the teacher was super nice...probably a bit too nice actually, hahaha! We then had lunch, and I went over to the grocery store to buy food...it's just so much cheaper doing this way. After lunch, we had more rehearsals for our showcase. The girls started learning a new song called You'll Never Walk Alone, and I have to say, we are preeeeetty damn good! It's four part harmony, and it is STUNNING! The guys have another number as well, they are doing Officer Krupke from West Side Story, and I know it's going to be awesome! Went home, and had dinner, watched Silence of the Lambs ( and a guy named Dan is suuuuuuper good at being Lecter...super creepy!, talked for a long time with Kim and Christina ( a much needed talk!) and then went to bed! I love those two...I don't want to leave in less than a week...definitely not ready.
Tuesday:
Up again at 6:30, breakfast at 7:30, and off to Mountview at 9 for dance and vocal warm up. In the morning, our class was split up into our two groups again for acting and dance. I had acting first. we basically talked about uniting and beating, verbing, motivations, obstacles and then our teacher (Jo Walsh from last week) showed us a bunch of books we should read. I wrote notes, and wrote down a bunch of the titles that I want to read. What I got from this, is basically if ANYONE tells me I am "musical theatre acting" Imma kick their butt! it is the SAME...the same process, character development...same everything. The difference is content...and sometimes you have to elevate the characterizations. An actor has to earn the right to heighten the character though, and so many people don't...which is where lots of poor productions come from. A character like Adelaide still has to be based in absolute truth, with real human feelings and motivations to be real on stage. Only then can she be heightened to who she has to be on stage. I liked that a lot! After that we had dance class. He was like a dancing Jackie Chan. I loved him. He does the dance auditions for Mountview, so he put us through what he would do IN an audition. We did another grueling warm up with him (though not even close to as bad as slow-and-painful death) and then did across the floor stuff. We then had about 15 minutes to learn a dance from Hairspray, which was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fun. I loved it...GOD I want to be in that show someday! I feel like I did a good job in this class, and saw the teacher looking at me quite a bit and smiling/nodding that sort of thing, so I got super excited. Goodness...I am getting more confident everyday that I chose the right industry for me! After this we had lunch, and then after lunch we had rehearsals for the showcase. The ladies didn't do a whoooooooole lot after lunch, mostly just waiting for the boys to choreograph Krupke. Our newest song, You'll Never Walk Alone, we are just sitting down and singing it...there is a little scene between Kim and Steven where he throws her to the ground, so we are basically telling her we are there for her. It's really nice. After class, we all went back to Chester, had dinner, watched Jeepers Creepers (which is the STUPIDEST horror movie ever...but still entertaining, especially with a bunch of musical theatre people watching it together!) and then went to bed!
Wednesday:
Another incredibly awesome day! Up at 6:30 for a 7:30 breakfast, and at Mountview by 9:30. We did a review of the showcase so far, and then a bit of a vocal warm up. We had individual singing lessons again. I worked with Claire Daniels (the woman from last week) again, and she was just as awesome the second time around. I did some range work, and more relaxing while singing exercises. I did some more work on Everything Else, and then had time to ask some questions. She told me it was good I hadn't had lessons before this because I am a clean slate to be taught, but still had a good natural voice. She told me lessons now would be a good idea because my voice is maturing, and I am sassy enough to tell a teacher if I don't agree with what I am being taught. I need to work on support in my highest notes of my range because I find them quite easy, so I can get a bit lazy with them! Very informative once again! After that we had Nick Holder again. (I thought it was Holden, but it's Holder!) I didn't get to perform again, but even just watching him work with others teaches me so much, and is SO inspiring. A group of us got to talk to him after class for a long time. I opened up more than I thought I would about my mindframe about myself, and my past with gymnastics. He was firm but very supportive. Yes I was told I couldn't do things, but I listened and believed them. He really thinks I can make it in the London industry, and told me he will be waiting for my return. God...I pretty much love the man, and have only seen him for 3 hours of my life. I truly feel like he has taught me more in 3 hours than I have been taught by any other single teacher I have ever met. We then had lunch, and then rehearsals for the showcase. We learned the last dance of our showcase, which is Run Freedom Run from Urinetown. It's SOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun!!! It is a gospel song, and it's fast, fun, and suuuuuuper high energy! A great song to end our show on! The dance captains decided that we'd show up at 9 tomorrow with the rest of the group to go over things! After class Christina, Sian, Alice I. and I went to go watch Billy Elliot. Oh. My. GOD. it is amaaaaaaaaaaaazing! I can totally understand why it won the Tony Award for best musical now. It is just stunning...the story, the songs, and the DANCING...my god. The boy who played Elliot was 12...ok? 12! And he is a junior associate of the London Ballet company, and was stunning at acting and singing as well...actually ALL of the kids in it were amazing. And the adults...just everything. So far, this has been my favourite London musical! I cried like a tiny child while watching it! After this (it took forEVER to get to and from the theatre....it and Wicked were way the hell out of central London...so it was a long trip) we got back to Chester way later than we all wanted (but it was SO worth it) so we rushed to bed, so we could get up early again!
Thursday:
Up at 6:30, breakfast at 7:30, Mountview at 9 for review and vocal warm up. I don't have a WHOLE lot to say about this day. It was a full day of rehearsal from 10-5. We got all the transitions down, and just nit-picked until it was all clean. It was a long day of dance, but super fun. I just love Lainey...I cannot believe I was so scared of her at first. I think she really likes me as well, she keeps mentioning me in her talks to us, and telling me to remember things she says so I can lead the group later. She is not going to be there tomorrow for the rehearsals or our showcase, so it is Mike England (singing teacher), Cameron, and I who are kind of running it tomorrow. Mike will be bbviously doing singing, Cameron is the acting, and I (with Georgie) am acting as Lainey's eyes for the dancing part! At the end of the day Lainey thanked all of us, and gave a special thanks to the dance captains, though especially to Georgie and I because we had done a WHOLE lot over the two weeks! Then we all went home, and had dinner, and sang together until bedtime. We are all getting kind of emotional about the prospect of leaving. I don't even want to think about it yet...after this, we went home and had dinner and THEN, Christina, Kim and I caught a troll...for real, hahahh! We saw a little troll statue on a balcony and had a little adventure taking it. We decided that we are going to mail him around to each other and take picture of it at iconic places in our Country! Kim is getting him first, so Troll will be off to Hong Kong first! Hahahah, SUCH a good time, SO much laughter! Then it was time for bed!
friday:
SUCH A GOOD DAY! Up at 6:30, breakfast 7:30 (where we showed the troll to everyone! ahahahahahah), Mountview at 9:30. We did a bit of a warm up, review, and vocal warm up too. The morning was rehearsals for the showcase in the afternoon. We ran each dance and cleaned it up, and then ran the whole thing twice, and had notes. Then we had lunch, we all ate at the cantina, and after that went and did our hair and make up. SO many pictures we taken today!!! I had also brought my camera, so I have a bunch of pics from today! We did our showcase, and it went SUPER well, I think! We had about 60 or so people watching, parents and friends and alumni! We finished it, and then were given a certificate of achievement, took group photos, and then bam...the course was over by about 3:30. I can't even believe it's over. Good thing we have plans for tonight, or I'd be a mess. We went to a pub just down the road from Mountview, and had a few drinks, sang too loudly, and then eventually had to say goodbye to people. God...I cried so much. I don't want to say goodbye to these people. Toby gave me his hat he used as a costume piece from our showcase, so I can bring it to Canada when I get back. I had to say goodbye to Sian as well...AUGH...sucks so MUCH! After this, a bunch of us went to Central London to see one last show before we left. Christina, Steven and I went to go see Blood Brothers, while a few more people watched Avenue Q (which I had seen the first time I went to London.) Blood brothers is SO fantastic! The second half especially. It's about twins being separated...so needless to say I cried SO much again! After that, we all decided being our last night together, who really gave a shit if we were tired, we'd all go out dancing, so we went to this shitty little club and danced and drank! We caught the last possible tube, and then I stayed up even later talking to friends. Eventually we just got WAY too tired, and all went to bed.
Saturday:
God damn it...last day. This effing SUCKS. It's after the fact, so I am going to write about the whole experience of this day. I got up early ish (I had been getting up at 6:30 the whole time, so getting up at wasn't hard even after staying up too late!) We all had breakfast together, and then we all packed up and brought our bags to the office for safekeeping. Basically, we just stayed in and talked until one by one people started having to leave. Saying goodbye was extremely difficult. I mean...I know I only knew these people for two weeks, but I have made veeeery good friends with them. Many MANY tears were had today. I HATED saying goodbye to Georgie. Her and Alice I. were the first of my closest friends to leave. God. We WILL stay in touch, I KNOW it. It sucked saying goodbye to everyone though. Lauren, Sasha, Xalvador, just to name a couple. AUGH. Then more and more people had to go as well. Then there were only a few of us left who had to catch the tube to our various places of departure. Roel, Kim, Alice W., Christina and I caught the tube together. I cried each time someone had to get off. I lost it most thoroughly when Kim and Christina had to go though. GOD. So there I was...sobbing by myself on a tube, and then this busker comes onto our car with a stereo and a microphone, and sang this horrible pervy love song and started pole dancing badly. So I go from crying, to laughing hysterically. Man...I bet the people on the tube thought I was insane. I saw a super hot man across from me though, and talked to him for like...40 minutes before he had to get off the tube as well. Man...but I would go from happy, to sad in a matter of seconds...and cry at any excuse. I did NOT want to leave at ALL. I met two other people who were flying to Calgary as well, so that was alright. After the long ass tube ride, I got my money back from my oyster card, and followed the signs to where I needed to go through security, and then to where I needed to wait for my gate to open. I had a bagel for lunch, and just read a book until my gate opened finally. I went to my gate, and waited around there for a bit, and was let on the plane just fine! I was beside this dude who was SUPER twitchy and kept clearing his throat, so I actually think he may have had mild turrets or something, but he was super nice and helped me fill out my declaration sheet thing. I watched like..4 movies the way back as well, because I knew I shouldn't sleep so I could become less jet lagged. After the long flight, I got through customs just fine, got my luggage and saw Jo, Mom and Dad waiting for me at the airport. It was SO nice to see them. I mean, I didn't want to leave at all, but it was really good to have them there and hug them, and talk with them! We had had dinner on the plane, but because of the time difference, it was dinner time again when I got to Calgary. So parents took me out to Chinese food, but I was SOOOOOOOO tired I could barely function. My eyes were pretty much slits, and I couldn't keep them any more open than that. We drove home, I hung out about the house, and went to bed as soon as I possibly could!
Calgary:
The next day we had a BBQ with the family the next day. It was nice to see aunts, uncles, cousins, and all of them. I was still SUPER tired and jet lagged, but it was really nice. We were there for a long time, which was good, because I had to leave Calgary the next day. The next day I went shopping with mom for some stuff, and then I was off to Victoria again, and my plane was delayed for over an hour, but whatevs, I had a book. And I could nap a bit, too. So yeah, I was picked up at the Vic airport by Graeme, and we visited, and the next day life began as normal once again.
I have learned so much from this trip, have a new confidence, validation, support, and positivity that I didn't have before. I know where I want to go in one year from now, and will do everything I can to ensure that I make it back there. New decisions and new choices, I will believe in myself, and let the old lies die. I will remember this experience forever, and can't wait for my future. I am ready for fourth year, and then to go and take risks I didn't know I ever could before this! I will keep in touch with all the people I've met here, including all my friends, Nick Holder, and the teachers if I can. I've found where I belong, and I am not going to forget that, ever! <3
Kesinee
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Day 7, one week!
Alright, so it has been a week, and MAN has it ever flown by! Got up at 6:30 again, for breakfast with the clan at 7:30, and left for Mountview at 8:30. Today was 7 hours of rehearsal for our shawcase, so I don't have a ton to write about. I mean, we did a lot, but I can't just write out what I did in the dances. We choreographed three full dances in the one day. Check it Out, My Body, and the boy's dance called Use What You've Got were done. It was a good day full of hard work, and tons of fun! In Check it Out, I am playing a super aggressive prostitute, and get a tiny little featured line in the dance, so that's exciting. It's a really hard hitting dance, with lots of chaos and energy set on a busy street in New York! My Body is the girl's dance, and we are ALL prostitutes in this dance. It is also full of energy, hard hitting, passionate and very aggressive. We are all defending our right to use our bodies how we want to. I also get to dance for a little bit in the boys dance, haha, and I am playing a prostitute in that one, too...it's a dance about hustlers and how they have to use what they got, to get what they want! I have pretty exciting news about today as well. I was asked by the woman I was super intimidated by at first to be one of four dance captains for the group. SO...I guess I didn't have anything to worry about. I am doing really well, am not homesick yet, and feel like I could really end up doing this for real.
After class, we all came back and got a little dressed up, and then me and four other lovely ladies went out to an adorable restaurant called Giraffe, had a drink and some dessert (I had chocolate cheesecake...mmmmmMMMmmmm) and chatted for a bit. My stomach is actually sore from all the laughing that went on last night, too. My goodness the people here are hilarious. I love them, love this, and love the city the program...everything SO much! We got to relax, and it was lovely. THEN, we walked back to Chester, and watched 10 Things I Hate About You, and then went to bed.
I "slept in" until 9 this morning, which was lovely actually...got 9 hours of sleep, which is a new thing, hahaha. I have done nothing so far today except run through my dances a little in my room and watch an episode of So You Think You Can Dance. I am going to watch the matinee performance of Billy Elliot today, and of Legally Blonde tomorrow, so the weekend is going to rock!!!
I am feeling SO optimistic in myself. I mean...I knew I didn't suck at dance, or acting or singing, but it's such an inspiring thing to know that others who are in the business for real, really believe in you. My confidence has gone up in HUGE intervals this week about everything about myself. God...I really do feel like working in this industry could be a real possibility for me.
Well, I am off to get ready for the play, and for lunch, and to just relax and enjoy this weekend (and get over my voice, and my suuuuuuuper stiff muscles!)
Lovelovelove!!!! <3
After class, we all came back and got a little dressed up, and then me and four other lovely ladies went out to an adorable restaurant called Giraffe, had a drink and some dessert (I had chocolate cheesecake...mmmmmMMMmmmm) and chatted for a bit. My stomach is actually sore from all the laughing that went on last night, too. My goodness the people here are hilarious. I love them, love this, and love the city the program...everything SO much! We got to relax, and it was lovely. THEN, we walked back to Chester, and watched 10 Things I Hate About You, and then went to bed.
I "slept in" until 9 this morning, which was lovely actually...got 9 hours of sleep, which is a new thing, hahaha. I have done nothing so far today except run through my dances a little in my room and watch an episode of So You Think You Can Dance. I am going to watch the matinee performance of Billy Elliot today, and of Legally Blonde tomorrow, so the weekend is going to rock!!!
I am feeling SO optimistic in myself. I mean...I knew I didn't suck at dance, or acting or singing, but it's such an inspiring thing to know that others who are in the business for real, really believe in you. My confidence has gone up in HUGE intervals this week about everything about myself. God...I really do feel like working in this industry could be a real possibility for me.
Well, I am off to get ready for the play, and for lunch, and to just relax and enjoy this weekend (and get over my voice, and my suuuuuuuper stiff muscles!)
Lovelovelove!!!! <3
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Day 4, 5, and 6 in London
SO, I find it very difficult to find time everyday to keep this up, but I am doing my best to write down and remember things that have happened to me. SO here are the last three days from what I can get from the memories I have!:
Day 4:
Got up at 6:30 This was a pretty good day! We arrived at Mountview at 9am for warm up (which was ACTUALLY a warm up, and not slow-and-painful death) and got split up into our two different groups. The groups were named Kander, and Ebb, which was amazing because instead of group A and B we have the names of the creators of Chicago. I love musical theater! I am in group K, and it's a really good one, as we have all the boys in my group. Group G is an all female one. So the first thing we did was a singing tutorial. It was a lecture and practical lesson on Vocal Health, which is good. I felt super knowledgeable due to taking voice classes in school already, but little reminders are always a good thing, I think! So, not much to talk about in this one, but it was a good thing. And I took notes! The next thing we had was acting. We did acting through dance first, so learned the prologue to Chicago, and then had to make up a character with a secret and two different verbs to effect the audience, and dance with them. It was really cool. Then we talked about WHY the characters in musicals burst into song, and discovered it's basically because mere words aren't enough in some situations. Now, people who don't like musicals think it is unnatural for this to occur, which is true I suppose of some people, but I see 32 people in my class who burst into song at ANY occasion, so all of you musical haters have to get your facts right first! We did some scene work from A Chorus Line and West Side Story leading up to songs, and looking through intentions and motivations of character through the text and leading up into the songs. I made everyone laugh, and even got an applause when I was reading the West Side Story scene, and I only had one line: Woman's Voice: "Maria!" from the balcony scene. But I did it in the correct accent, and tone which took everyone aback, and then they ate it up, so all was well. Then we had lunch, and afterward we had rehearsals for the showcase coming up at the end of the course. For an hour we did acting improve. We were all split up into 4 groups, and had to do a scene on a street that lasted for 2-5 minutes. We were set in a hospital, and it was super stressful to get on it's feet, but I think in the end we did a pretty good job. Then for the last hour, we sang a couple of the songs we'll do for the showcase. We got Check it Out from The Life, My Body from The Life, and New York from On the Town. So it should be a good time. We all tubed and bussed from Mountview to Chester and had dinner together...oooooooh cafeteria food...and then gathered in the lounge area and sang musicals for over two hours. Then I came up to my room, and watched an episode of Dexter and went to bed at about 11:30.
Day 5:
got up at 6:30. This was my favourite day ever...almost of my entire life. I am SO inspired, and feel like I could take on the entire mother trucking world! SO, we get to Mountview at 9:30ish, and do a vocal warm up, and a bit of stretching. The firs thing we had today was individual singing lessons. I had a woman named Claire Daniels, and she was awesome. We did a bit of breath work, and support, and then started working on my belt. We then worked on Everything Else from Next To Normal, which I have wanted to sing ever since I saw it in New York. She says that my voice is beautiful and ready to mature and solidify now, and I am ready to take my singing to the next level. She ALSO said I should never, EVER lose my head voice, as it is resonant and very useful in the industry. I hit high notes I had never hit before...I was singing high E by the end of the lesson, which is really quite an achievement for my voice! Next was song presentation with Nick Holden. He basically wanted us to sing a song, but make it very relevant to our own lives so that the story portrayed in the song would be meaningful, specific, and personal instead of just dry text with a melody. He. Was. A. Sheer. F-ing. GENIUS. He was SO intuitive, and knew what to get out of each person, and how to GET it from each person, and cared so much about everyone. PLUS, he was the youngest person to ever play Jean Valjean from Les Miserables professionally EVER in the entire world. He was 22 when we played it professionally on the West End. So he REEEEEEALLY knew his stuff. I sang Everything Else, and my god...I have never sung a song the way I did when he worked with me. I was so pleased. I thanked him afterwards, and he said some of the nicest and most encouraging things to me, which I don't want to go into detail on here, but if you ask me I might tell you. But they were SO nice I wanted to hug him, or cry, or scream with joy. After that was lunch, and after that was a three hour singing rehearsal for our showcase.
We had all brought a change of clothes for after rehearsals, because part of the course was to go see a West End show, and tonight was the night. We got all dressed up, received our tickets from the Mounvtiew musical theatre director, had dinner at Planet Hollywood, and then got into the theatre to watch Hair. I was actually not all that impressed with the musical. The singing was INCREDIBLE, but I wasn't all that into the acting. Also I felt the story isn't too relevant with this day and age, but all the same, it was awesome to see some professional theatre, and at the END we all got to run up on stage with them for the final number. SO, I can actually say that I was in Hair on the West End this week! hahahah!!! God...I definitely picked the right business for me! SO basically after it was over, we tubed and bussed back, talked about if we did or didn't like it and then went to bed just after a shower around midnight.
Day 6:
Up at 6:30, and my voice is super scratchy today. I think it's from getting only 6-6.5 hours of sleep a night, LOOOOOOOOOOOOOTS of singing, and pushing my voice to it's limit quite a bit. I took it easy the whole day, but even now while I am typing this, it isn't feeling well. AH well, on to the events of the day. Got to mountview at 9:30 for a stretch and warm up. The first thing my group had was dance. We did a fairly intense warm up with the dance teacher, and then some across the floor stuff, which I felt pretty good about. Then we did a Bob Fosse-esque number to a swing dance tune. It was fast, it was sexy, it was stylized, it was full of character, and I LOVED it! I never wanted the dancing to end. Sometimes I get insecure about dance, because as you all know I am definitely not a stick thin person (as so many actors are...in the professional world, at UVic, and here at Mountview), but I got the steps down quickly, put my all into it, made a character, and I think it went pretty darn well for me. After that we had singing with the assistant music director/piano player for Jersey Boys on the West End, so we did two Jersey Boy songs. Our group as a whole was pretty unfocused just coming off from the jazz dance class, but I tried to hold myself in pretty tight, so I would make a good impression on everyone I come across here. So yeah, it was fun, but not as fun for ME as the dance was. then it was a lunch break. After lunch we started doing choreography for My Body from The Life that will be in our showcase. It is the girls number, about prostitution and how our bodies are our own business, and we don't very much enjoy being judged by pretty much everyone out there, including our clients!! SO it is all agressive and sexy, and I get to feel pretty womanly while doing it. I feel kind of intimidated by two of the staff here, but I try to get over as much as I can. Then we all joined together to be told what the rest of the showcase would kind of look like. Then it was an hour and fifteen minute music rehearsal, and finally we worked on My Body again. NOW, my voice is feeling like shit, and so for the last music rehearsal I was pretty much mouthing words, not singing, but getting the melodies in my head so that I don't lose my voice entirely.
I was supposed to go to see Jersey Boys tonight, but I thought I'd be responsible and go to bed SUPER early...aka around 9pm, so I can get a good 10 hour sleep, and hopefully if I do that, plus drink tons of water and don't speak one word until the morning, I will be alright to sing tomorrow. If I can't...and it's ruined itself, I might just cry. So yeah, me and the couple others who were NOT going to see the show came home, ate dinner at 6, and then I came up here and started writing this. My plans for the rest of the evening is to stay in my room so I am not tempted to speak, catch up on some of my tv shows, and then head to bed at the time most 6 year olds would sleep!
SO that is the last three days in a nutshell, thanks for taking interest, and I cannot BELIEVE it's been almost a week now. In some ways i feel like it's been just one day, and in others it feels like I've been here three months. I love the people, love the city, love the theatre scene, love musicals, and LOVE my experience so far. What a learning time it's been for me!!!
That's all I got, so I will try and update more frequently, but I am not promising anything, because it's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO busy here! Love and kisses to all! <3 <3 <3 xoxoxoxoxo
Day 4:
Got up at 6:30 This was a pretty good day! We arrived at Mountview at 9am for warm up (which was ACTUALLY a warm up, and not slow-and-painful death) and got split up into our two different groups. The groups were named Kander, and Ebb, which was amazing because instead of group A and B we have the names of the creators of Chicago. I love musical theater! I am in group K, and it's a really good one, as we have all the boys in my group. Group G is an all female one. So the first thing we did was a singing tutorial. It was a lecture and practical lesson on Vocal Health, which is good. I felt super knowledgeable due to taking voice classes in school already, but little reminders are always a good thing, I think! So, not much to talk about in this one, but it was a good thing. And I took notes! The next thing we had was acting. We did acting through dance first, so learned the prologue to Chicago, and then had to make up a character with a secret and two different verbs to effect the audience, and dance with them. It was really cool. Then we talked about WHY the characters in musicals burst into song, and discovered it's basically because mere words aren't enough in some situations. Now, people who don't like musicals think it is unnatural for this to occur, which is true I suppose of some people, but I see 32 people in my class who burst into song at ANY occasion, so all of you musical haters have to get your facts right first! We did some scene work from A Chorus Line and West Side Story leading up to songs, and looking through intentions and motivations of character through the text and leading up into the songs. I made everyone laugh, and even got an applause when I was reading the West Side Story scene, and I only had one line: Woman's Voice: "Maria!" from the balcony scene. But I did it in the correct accent, and tone which took everyone aback, and then they ate it up, so all was well. Then we had lunch, and afterward we had rehearsals for the showcase coming up at the end of the course. For an hour we did acting improve. We were all split up into 4 groups, and had to do a scene on a street that lasted for 2-5 minutes. We were set in a hospital, and it was super stressful to get on it's feet, but I think in the end we did a pretty good job. Then for the last hour, we sang a couple of the songs we'll do for the showcase. We got Check it Out from The Life, My Body from The Life, and New York from On the Town. So it should be a good time. We all tubed and bussed from Mountview to Chester and had dinner together...oooooooh cafeteria food...and then gathered in the lounge area and sang musicals for over two hours. Then I came up to my room, and watched an episode of Dexter and went to bed at about 11:30.
Day 5:
got up at 6:30. This was my favourite day ever...almost of my entire life. I am SO inspired, and feel like I could take on the entire mother trucking world! SO, we get to Mountview at 9:30ish, and do a vocal warm up, and a bit of stretching. The firs thing we had today was individual singing lessons. I had a woman named Claire Daniels, and she was awesome. We did a bit of breath work, and support, and then started working on my belt. We then worked on Everything Else from Next To Normal, which I have wanted to sing ever since I saw it in New York. She says that my voice is beautiful and ready to mature and solidify now, and I am ready to take my singing to the next level. She ALSO said I should never, EVER lose my head voice, as it is resonant and very useful in the industry. I hit high notes I had never hit before...I was singing high E by the end of the lesson, which is really quite an achievement for my voice! Next was song presentation with Nick Holden. He basically wanted us to sing a song, but make it very relevant to our own lives so that the story portrayed in the song would be meaningful, specific, and personal instead of just dry text with a melody. He. Was. A. Sheer. F-ing. GENIUS. He was SO intuitive, and knew what to get out of each person, and how to GET it from each person, and cared so much about everyone. PLUS, he was the youngest person to ever play Jean Valjean from Les Miserables professionally EVER in the entire world. He was 22 when we played it professionally on the West End. So he REEEEEEALLY knew his stuff. I sang Everything Else, and my god...I have never sung a song the way I did when he worked with me. I was so pleased. I thanked him afterwards, and he said some of the nicest and most encouraging things to me, which I don't want to go into detail on here, but if you ask me I might tell you. But they were SO nice I wanted to hug him, or cry, or scream with joy. After that was lunch, and after that was a three hour singing rehearsal for our showcase.
We had all brought a change of clothes for after rehearsals, because part of the course was to go see a West End show, and tonight was the night. We got all dressed up, received our tickets from the Mounvtiew musical theatre director, had dinner at Planet Hollywood, and then got into the theatre to watch Hair. I was actually not all that impressed with the musical. The singing was INCREDIBLE, but I wasn't all that into the acting. Also I felt the story isn't too relevant with this day and age, but all the same, it was awesome to see some professional theatre, and at the END we all got to run up on stage with them for the final number. SO, I can actually say that I was in Hair on the West End this week! hahahah!!! God...I definitely picked the right business for me! SO basically after it was over, we tubed and bussed back, talked about if we did or didn't like it and then went to bed just after a shower around midnight.
Day 6:
Up at 6:30, and my voice is super scratchy today. I think it's from getting only 6-6.5 hours of sleep a night, LOOOOOOOOOOOOOTS of singing, and pushing my voice to it's limit quite a bit. I took it easy the whole day, but even now while I am typing this, it isn't feeling well. AH well, on to the events of the day. Got to mountview at 9:30 for a stretch and warm up. The first thing my group had was dance. We did a fairly intense warm up with the dance teacher, and then some across the floor stuff, which I felt pretty good about. Then we did a Bob Fosse-esque number to a swing dance tune. It was fast, it was sexy, it was stylized, it was full of character, and I LOVED it! I never wanted the dancing to end. Sometimes I get insecure about dance, because as you all know I am definitely not a stick thin person (as so many actors are...in the professional world, at UVic, and here at Mountview), but I got the steps down quickly, put my all into it, made a character, and I think it went pretty darn well for me. After that we had singing with the assistant music director/piano player for Jersey Boys on the West End, so we did two Jersey Boy songs. Our group as a whole was pretty unfocused just coming off from the jazz dance class, but I tried to hold myself in pretty tight, so I would make a good impression on everyone I come across here. So yeah, it was fun, but not as fun for ME as the dance was. then it was a lunch break. After lunch we started doing choreography for My Body from The Life that will be in our showcase. It is the girls number, about prostitution and how our bodies are our own business, and we don't very much enjoy being judged by pretty much everyone out there, including our clients!! SO it is all agressive and sexy, and I get to feel pretty womanly while doing it. I feel kind of intimidated by two of the staff here, but I try to get over as much as I can. Then we all joined together to be told what the rest of the showcase would kind of look like. Then it was an hour and fifteen minute music rehearsal, and finally we worked on My Body again. NOW, my voice is feeling like shit, and so for the last music rehearsal I was pretty much mouthing words, not singing, but getting the melodies in my head so that I don't lose my voice entirely.
I was supposed to go to see Jersey Boys tonight, but I thought I'd be responsible and go to bed SUPER early...aka around 9pm, so I can get a good 10 hour sleep, and hopefully if I do that, plus drink tons of water and don't speak one word until the morning, I will be alright to sing tomorrow. If I can't...and it's ruined itself, I might just cry. So yeah, me and the couple others who were NOT going to see the show came home, ate dinner at 6, and then I came up here and started writing this. My plans for the rest of the evening is to stay in my room so I am not tempted to speak, catch up on some of my tv shows, and then head to bed at the time most 6 year olds would sleep!
SO that is the last three days in a nutshell, thanks for taking interest, and I cannot BELIEVE it's been almost a week now. In some ways i feel like it's been just one day, and in others it feels like I've been here three months. I love the people, love the city, love the theatre scene, love musicals, and LOVE my experience so far. What a learning time it's been for me!!!
That's all I got, so I will try and update more frequently, but I am not promising anything, because it's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO busy here! Love and kisses to all! <3 <3 <3 xoxoxoxoxo
Monday, July 26, 2010
first three days in London!
Ok, so I don't have a WHOLE lot of energy, but I am going to try and remember everything that has happened so far!
SO:
Friday afternoon I was still in Calgary. Chilling with my mom, having lunch and slowly packing up everything. Then Dad walks in the door and is all...so...you all packed, because we're leaving in 4 minutes?! After this I start panicking, but get everything together, say my goodbyes, promise mom to let her know when I arrive in London so she doesn't think I'm dead, and head off to the airport with Joelle and Dad. I KNOW I have traveled a TON, but I have never gone anywhere international by myself before, so I was quite nervous to try it out on my own. Dad gets me to mt gate, gets me in the nice maple leaf lounge, and then...BAM, Kesinee is on her own. I make it to the gate alright, get through and onto the plane, and what luck is in store for me? WELL, the guy who was supposed to be sitting next to me didn't show up, which was nice because I could sprawl and fidget as much as I wanted, and even sleep all curled up but lying down at least. The downside to this is, knowing my luck, if the man HAD shown up, he would have been the British love of my life, I would have been married by the time I came back, and could be eligible for dual citizenship and not have to worry about how I am going to eventually live here. BUT, I have to admit, being able to lie down was pretty nice too. So I get off the plane, follow everyone else like a sheep, and find myself in the line for British customs. Now, there were two lines...one for British and EU citizens, and one for eeeeeeeveryone else. THAT took a good 45 minutes of my time, just waiting. But I finally got through. And NOW, my friends, was the part I was most nervous for: the trek from the Heathrow, to my residence.
I followed the signage and got myself to the underground and bus terminal, but didn't see where to pick up an Oyster card (a card for bus and underground for a week...very handy little thing), so I took an elevator up to the bus terminal and asked a help desk where to get them. I got looked at like I was completely soft in the head, and she was like..."um...downstairs?...you know...like, where the UN.DER.GROUND is?" So I smiled and said thank you as politely as I could, and headed back downstairs in search of said Oyster card. I found the little place to buy it, bought it, got instructions to get to my residence, called Chester House, and was on my way. Finding the underground was easy, as Heathrow is the farthest west the tube goes, so I got on, and had a veeeeeeeeeeeery long tube ride to a stop called Bounds Green. A very hot Spanish boy who looked like Johnny Depp made that ride seem alright though! Also, the last stop on that line was called Cockfosters, and it was announced a few times with this British accent, and it made me really happy to be there! NOW, I had to find a bus to get one...WITH a 50 pound bag, so I dragged my large suitcase up the escalators, and thankfully the close bus stops were given signs at the station as well. I went to the bus stop, and got on and TRIED to remember which stop to get off. Well, I ended up getting off a stop early. I didn't have a CLUE where I had to go, so I asked this super old woman where my house was, and she told me I was just five minutes away! So I lugged my bags up this hill, turned a corner and BAM, I had made it to my residence all safe and sound...if a little hot.
I came in the door, got a key and a tour, and such and found out there was only me and another girl from our program there yet, but we never saw each other that day. It took all I had from not sleeping immediately from the jet lag, so most of the rest of the time was spent either practicing my songs for class, or counting down the hours and minutes until I could finally just go to BED. I tried and tried to get on a computer to let mom know that no, I had not died, I was fine, but I hadn't set up internet in my room yet, and all the rez computers were being used, so I was able to do that after supper, then I showered, read a chapter of my book, and went to bed.
Day ONE DONE.
Day two:
I had gone to bed at 10pm London time, so I woke up at 7am all ready to go, which is nice because it gave me an hour to get ready before breakfast. Most of the morning and afternoon I was alone in the rez, just getting to know a few people not in my program. I practiced my songs a bunch though. Then, at 5:30pm we had a meeting with all of the Mountview people staying at Chester. It was SO good to meet them all. All of them are SO nice, and it was really good to see the people I had met on facebook in person! The remainder of the night was spent getting to know each other, having dinner together, going out to a pub (just one drink, we ALL had to get up early), and practicing together. I am known fondly here as Canada by all the people in my program. I also sang the Canadian anthem for them all, and was able to answer a lot of questions about how living in Canada is! Yes, we do have bears, and snowdrifts taller than me, no it's not always cold, in fact it can get BLOODY hot! I then went to bed at 10:30.
DAY TWO DONE
Day Three: TODAY
Woke up at 6:30, for breakfast at 7;30. All of us Mountviewers at Chester house had breakfast together. Then we had to head off to Mountview at 8:45 to get there at 9:30. We had to take the bus, and tube (just one stop) and walk a bit, but we made it. I paid the remainder of my fees, got a little package with info about my course, and then we all waited in the cantina for further instructions. The musical theatre group was finally called in at about 10:15 am, and we had circle time with more info about facilities and such. There are 32 people in the group all together, but will be split up tomorrow into two balanced groups, so it's more manageable. After the meeting, we all headed to the dance studio. We began with a big "warm-up." I call it "warm-up" because what it should ACTUALLY have been called was "slow-and-painful-death." It was really excruciating, and I forsee many a sore muscle in my future, but I pushed through it, and afterward I felt really good, if a tad shaky. Then we did some across the floor stuff, like kicks (mine were pretty much 180 degrees because of how warm my muscles had become from the slow-and-painful-death, so that was good, hhaha), and turns, and things like that. Not too bad. Then we did some fun choreography from A Chorus Line, and we presented it in groups of four. Did I mention that all of the teachers who will be working with us over the next two weeks were watching everything? Well they were, which was good because it pushed me to work really hard today! They were watching to see what experience we had in everything so they could base their end of course showcase on it, and so that they would be able to put certain people in the two groups so there is a range of talent in both of them! There is no good and bad group, which let the pressure off a little bit.
We then had a little potty break, and was back to do 45 minutes of acting...which was basically a walking exercise, and playing the "party game" which is a pretty standard theatre game. Then it was lunch time, and I had roast chicken and salad...which was HUGE, but much needed after dancing for so long.
After the break it was singing time. We all sat at one end of the studio, and one at a time in alphabetical order, we sang our chosen songs...or at least no more that 2 minutes of it. I was SO nervous, but I think it went well. I had to begin halfway through, which I had never done before, so I accidentally sang the first line of the first half, as opposed to the second, but corrected myself, and the rest went pretty solidly I think. yeah, then we thanked the instructors and were on our merry way. We got a bit lost on the way to the underground, but we made it there, and to the bus again (on which I was nearly hurled down the stairs of the double decker when it stopped...but I'm all good, never fear), and made it back to Chester. I promptly went to my room, got my towel, had a nice long shower, came back to my room, and started writing this! So yes. I THINK that is about everything that's happened in very broad strokes. If you want to know specifics, you'll have to ask me, because my brain has died, and I am about done writing now! Plus, it's time for dinner!
So I love you all, am VERY excited about the rest of this program, and I will try and remember to blog again. Until then, adieu! <3 Mucho Love!
SO:
Friday afternoon I was still in Calgary. Chilling with my mom, having lunch and slowly packing up everything. Then Dad walks in the door and is all...so...you all packed, because we're leaving in 4 minutes?! After this I start panicking, but get everything together, say my goodbyes, promise mom to let her know when I arrive in London so she doesn't think I'm dead, and head off to the airport with Joelle and Dad. I KNOW I have traveled a TON, but I have never gone anywhere international by myself before, so I was quite nervous to try it out on my own. Dad gets me to mt gate, gets me in the nice maple leaf lounge, and then...BAM, Kesinee is on her own. I make it to the gate alright, get through and onto the plane, and what luck is in store for me? WELL, the guy who was supposed to be sitting next to me didn't show up, which was nice because I could sprawl and fidget as much as I wanted, and even sleep all curled up but lying down at least. The downside to this is, knowing my luck, if the man HAD shown up, he would have been the British love of my life, I would have been married by the time I came back, and could be eligible for dual citizenship and not have to worry about how I am going to eventually live here. BUT, I have to admit, being able to lie down was pretty nice too. So I get off the plane, follow everyone else like a sheep, and find myself in the line for British customs. Now, there were two lines...one for British and EU citizens, and one for eeeeeeeveryone else. THAT took a good 45 minutes of my time, just waiting. But I finally got through. And NOW, my friends, was the part I was most nervous for: the trek from the Heathrow, to my residence.
I followed the signage and got myself to the underground and bus terminal, but didn't see where to pick up an Oyster card (a card for bus and underground for a week...very handy little thing), so I took an elevator up to the bus terminal and asked a help desk where to get them. I got looked at like I was completely soft in the head, and she was like..."um...downstairs?...you know...like, where the UN.DER.GROUND is?" So I smiled and said thank you as politely as I could, and headed back downstairs in search of said Oyster card. I found the little place to buy it, bought it, got instructions to get to my residence, called Chester House, and was on my way. Finding the underground was easy, as Heathrow is the farthest west the tube goes, so I got on, and had a veeeeeeeeeeeery long tube ride to a stop called Bounds Green. A very hot Spanish boy who looked like Johnny Depp made that ride seem alright though! Also, the last stop on that line was called Cockfosters, and it was announced a few times with this British accent, and it made me really happy to be there! NOW, I had to find a bus to get one...WITH a 50 pound bag, so I dragged my large suitcase up the escalators, and thankfully the close bus stops were given signs at the station as well. I went to the bus stop, and got on and TRIED to remember which stop to get off. Well, I ended up getting off a stop early. I didn't have a CLUE where I had to go, so I asked this super old woman where my house was, and she told me I was just five minutes away! So I lugged my bags up this hill, turned a corner and BAM, I had made it to my residence all safe and sound...if a little hot.
I came in the door, got a key and a tour, and such and found out there was only me and another girl from our program there yet, but we never saw each other that day. It took all I had from not sleeping immediately from the jet lag, so most of the rest of the time was spent either practicing my songs for class, or counting down the hours and minutes until I could finally just go to BED. I tried and tried to get on a computer to let mom know that no, I had not died, I was fine, but I hadn't set up internet in my room yet, and all the rez computers were being used, so I was able to do that after supper, then I showered, read a chapter of my book, and went to bed.
Day ONE DONE.
Day two:
I had gone to bed at 10pm London time, so I woke up at 7am all ready to go, which is nice because it gave me an hour to get ready before breakfast. Most of the morning and afternoon I was alone in the rez, just getting to know a few people not in my program. I practiced my songs a bunch though. Then, at 5:30pm we had a meeting with all of the Mountview people staying at Chester. It was SO good to meet them all. All of them are SO nice, and it was really good to see the people I had met on facebook in person! The remainder of the night was spent getting to know each other, having dinner together, going out to a pub (just one drink, we ALL had to get up early), and practicing together. I am known fondly here as Canada by all the people in my program. I also sang the Canadian anthem for them all, and was able to answer a lot of questions about how living in Canada is! Yes, we do have bears, and snowdrifts taller than me, no it's not always cold, in fact it can get BLOODY hot! I then went to bed at 10:30.
DAY TWO DONE
Day Three: TODAY
Woke up at 6:30, for breakfast at 7;30. All of us Mountviewers at Chester house had breakfast together. Then we had to head off to Mountview at 8:45 to get there at 9:30. We had to take the bus, and tube (just one stop) and walk a bit, but we made it. I paid the remainder of my fees, got a little package with info about my course, and then we all waited in the cantina for further instructions. The musical theatre group was finally called in at about 10:15 am, and we had circle time with more info about facilities and such. There are 32 people in the group all together, but will be split up tomorrow into two balanced groups, so it's more manageable. After the meeting, we all headed to the dance studio. We began with a big "warm-up." I call it "warm-up" because what it should ACTUALLY have been called was "slow-and-painful-death." It was really excruciating, and I forsee many a sore muscle in my future, but I pushed through it, and afterward I felt really good, if a tad shaky. Then we did some across the floor stuff, like kicks (mine were pretty much 180 degrees because of how warm my muscles had become from the slow-and-painful-death, so that was good, hhaha), and turns, and things like that. Not too bad. Then we did some fun choreography from A Chorus Line, and we presented it in groups of four. Did I mention that all of the teachers who will be working with us over the next two weeks were watching everything? Well they were, which was good because it pushed me to work really hard today! They were watching to see what experience we had in everything so they could base their end of course showcase on it, and so that they would be able to put certain people in the two groups so there is a range of talent in both of them! There is no good and bad group, which let the pressure off a little bit.
We then had a little potty break, and was back to do 45 minutes of acting...which was basically a walking exercise, and playing the "party game" which is a pretty standard theatre game. Then it was lunch time, and I had roast chicken and salad...which was HUGE, but much needed after dancing for so long.
After the break it was singing time. We all sat at one end of the studio, and one at a time in alphabetical order, we sang our chosen songs...or at least no more that 2 minutes of it. I was SO nervous, but I think it went well. I had to begin halfway through, which I had never done before, so I accidentally sang the first line of the first half, as opposed to the second, but corrected myself, and the rest went pretty solidly I think. yeah, then we thanked the instructors and were on our merry way. We got a bit lost on the way to the underground, but we made it there, and to the bus again (on which I was nearly hurled down the stairs of the double decker when it stopped...but I'm all good, never fear), and made it back to Chester. I promptly went to my room, got my towel, had a nice long shower, came back to my room, and started writing this! So yes. I THINK that is about everything that's happened in very broad strokes. If you want to know specifics, you'll have to ask me, because my brain has died, and I am about done writing now! Plus, it's time for dinner!
So I love you all, am VERY excited about the rest of this program, and I will try and remember to blog again. Until then, adieu! <3 Mucho Love!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Well...I have finally succumbed...
...to what, you might ask? Well the answer is: to vampires.
Not that shitty Twilight bunk...with their deadpan acting, long jumps through the forest and sparkly-ass skin. NO. My name is Kesinee, and I am addicted to the television show about the sexiest vampires in the world, Anna Paquin, and the way Stephen Moyer says "Sookie." Yes, I am Kesinee, and I am addicted to True Blood. Seriously...in 4 days I watched 27 episodes of True Blood...each of these episodes is 50-54 minutes long...which makes for a shameful amount of me doing nothing...but it has been worth it. Sure it might be porny...but their cute southern accents make up for it all. I KIND of wish I hadn't blasted through them so fast, because there isn't a new episode now until July 9, but I guess I can now watch all of them again at a slower, less rabid pace. Also, I have just started watching Dexter, and also plan on watching Mad Men, So You Think You Can Dance, and Make it or Break it has started again (eh Kathleen?!!!) So, not working may be super lame, and may make my year a little more thrifty and frugal, but it's doing wonders for my catching up with tv shows I've always wanted to watch but never had the time until now!
AND it makes me glad that Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer are an actual couple in real life. They fell in love playing these characters, and MAN...you can SEE it! Ok, I am going to steer away from the creepy path for a while now.
Hokay, so, basically there NEEDS to be SOME way that we can all see each other all together before Christmas. Most of us will be here in September...we just have to find a way to get Ali and Hannah here, and the crew can be united again! I KNOW this is rather unrealistic, but I miss all y'all and want for us to have a large sleepover sometime in the not too distant future, hokay? Hokay!
PS. HAPPY CANADA DAY! You know, even though I do plan on peacing out of here in a short time, (hopefully!) I do actually really enjoy being Canadian. The nice people, the health care, the education available and all of that jazz. I want to travel the world, live in Europe, even go live in a 3rd world country like my parents did, see it all, experience this planet to its fullest...but in the end? I think I am going to end up in Canada. It was a great place to grow up, that is for sure.
Well...it's late...I ALWAYS do this...I need to revamp (VAMP! HA!) my sleep schedule, so I can get to bed at a reasonable time for once...and I am tired, so for now, I bid you all adieu. Much love, and sweet dreams to you all!
<3 Kesinee (the vampire, and online television streaming addict)
Not that shitty Twilight bunk...with their deadpan acting, long jumps through the forest and sparkly-ass skin. NO. My name is Kesinee, and I am addicted to the television show about the sexiest vampires in the world, Anna Paquin, and the way Stephen Moyer says "Sookie." Yes, I am Kesinee, and I am addicted to True Blood. Seriously...in 4 days I watched 27 episodes of True Blood...each of these episodes is 50-54 minutes long...which makes for a shameful amount of me doing nothing...but it has been worth it. Sure it might be porny...but their cute southern accents make up for it all. I KIND of wish I hadn't blasted through them so fast, because there isn't a new episode now until July 9, but I guess I can now watch all of them again at a slower, less rabid pace. Also, I have just started watching Dexter, and also plan on watching Mad Men, So You Think You Can Dance, and Make it or Break it has started again (eh Kathleen?!!!) So, not working may be super lame, and may make my year a little more thrifty and frugal, but it's doing wonders for my catching up with tv shows I've always wanted to watch but never had the time until now!
AND it makes me glad that Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer are an actual couple in real life. They fell in love playing these characters, and MAN...you can SEE it! Ok, I am going to steer away from the creepy path for a while now.
Hokay, so, basically there NEEDS to be SOME way that we can all see each other all together before Christmas. Most of us will be here in September...we just have to find a way to get Ali and Hannah here, and the crew can be united again! I KNOW this is rather unrealistic, but I miss all y'all and want for us to have a large sleepover sometime in the not too distant future, hokay? Hokay!
PS. HAPPY CANADA DAY! You know, even though I do plan on peacing out of here in a short time, (hopefully!) I do actually really enjoy being Canadian. The nice people, the health care, the education available and all of that jazz. I want to travel the world, live in Europe, even go live in a 3rd world country like my parents did, see it all, experience this planet to its fullest...but in the end? I think I am going to end up in Canada. It was a great place to grow up, that is for sure.
Well...it's late...I ALWAYS do this...I need to revamp (VAMP! HA!) my sleep schedule, so I can get to bed at a reasonable time for once...and I am tired, so for now, I bid you all adieu. Much love, and sweet dreams to you all!
<3 Kesinee (the vampire, and online television streaming addict)
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
why can't I take good advice?
Some of the best advice I was ever told was actually from Joelle. She told me that we don't talk to our friends as if they are the scum of the earth because we love them, and look past any petty faults to the beautiful person inside, so we should do that for ourselves as well. To treat ourselves well, both on the outside, and inside, and in how we communicate with ourselves. I love that idea so much. Talking to ourselves like we are our own friends. Seeing past the faults to the person my friends can apparently see...the person on the inside, that SHOULD transcend all petty issues we have with ourselves. I love that, and yet I find it so hard to put into practice. I mean, logically this idea makes perfect sense to me...and I DO pride myself for being quite a logical person but I just can't seem to make this concept a reality for myself. Take last night, for example.
I was up later that I wanted...I couldn't make my mind stop going, and I ended up wanting to purge the things going on in my head, so I wrote down a series of statements or questions that were on my mind. I would never say these things to a friend, never even think about for a friend, so WHY do I ask myself these things, and think of myself in this way, even for a brief second.
Some were insulting:
" I feel like my state of employment reflects my self-worth: barely there."
"I feel like I am too fat to succeed in any endeavor I try, such as London, and successful relationships."
"Why do I feel like such a failure?"
and some were just things that my mind won't let go of, even though my advice to a friend would be to forget about all that and focus on the positive things:
"From the time I was very small I've always wanted to impress my father, so why is it now almost every time I think about him I cry?"
"Why is it that the relationships I invest the most in -excluding my friends from Calgary- hurt me the deepest?"
There were more, but those are a few examples I actually wrote down.
NOW, some of those I still feel and do everyday, but some I certainly don't. I need to find a way to talk to myself like a friend, and I think as I talk to more and more people about how their summers are going that lots of people could benefit from this as well. But how to begin?
This IS the question. I feel like there is a little separate part of my brain (like the director on the shoulder in acting class) telling me what my worth is, and why I am not as good as those around me, and I just need to boot him off the shoulder and out of my life. I KNOW I am a good person, I've been brought up well, I have a part time job I enjoy, I am in a good school, will receive a university degree, and will probably (hopefully?) always have a roof over my head and food to eat. Things people take for granted, but shouldn't. I have friends I love and who love me. I have special talents, and hobbies, and things I enjoy and am good at. I just need to remember these things when the little angry bitter voice enters my head and let it overpower any negative things that may be said to me. I need to be my own friend. I haven't been a friend to myself in a long time, but I think I am ready and willing to give it a try. I feel like I will be a lot happier if I do this.
I don't really know how I want to end this post, or really know what message or whatever I can get out from this, but I need to find a way to be happy this summer, and changing my mind frame about myself seems like a good place to start.
Love you all, and thanks for the advice Joelle! <3
Kesinee
I was up later that I wanted...I couldn't make my mind stop going, and I ended up wanting to purge the things going on in my head, so I wrote down a series of statements or questions that were on my mind. I would never say these things to a friend, never even think about for a friend, so WHY do I ask myself these things, and think of myself in this way, even for a brief second.
Some were insulting:
" I feel like my state of employment reflects my self-worth: barely there."
"I feel like I am too fat to succeed in any endeavor I try, such as London, and successful relationships."
"Why do I feel like such a failure?"
and some were just things that my mind won't let go of, even though my advice to a friend would be to forget about all that and focus on the positive things:
"From the time I was very small I've always wanted to impress my father, so why is it now almost every time I think about him I cry?"
"Why is it that the relationships I invest the most in -excluding my friends from Calgary- hurt me the deepest?"
There were more, but those are a few examples I actually wrote down.
NOW, some of those I still feel and do everyday, but some I certainly don't. I need to find a way to talk to myself like a friend, and I think as I talk to more and more people about how their summers are going that lots of people could benefit from this as well. But how to begin?
This IS the question. I feel like there is a little separate part of my brain (like the director on the shoulder in acting class) telling me what my worth is, and why I am not as good as those around me, and I just need to boot him off the shoulder and out of my life. I KNOW I am a good person, I've been brought up well, I have a part time job I enjoy, I am in a good school, will receive a university degree, and will probably (hopefully?) always have a roof over my head and food to eat. Things people take for granted, but shouldn't. I have friends I love and who love me. I have special talents, and hobbies, and things I enjoy and am good at. I just need to remember these things when the little angry bitter voice enters my head and let it overpower any negative things that may be said to me. I need to be my own friend. I haven't been a friend to myself in a long time, but I think I am ready and willing to give it a try. I feel like I will be a lot happier if I do this.
I don't really know how I want to end this post, or really know what message or whatever I can get out from this, but I need to find a way to be happy this summer, and changing my mind frame about myself seems like a good place to start.
Love you all, and thanks for the advice Joelle! <3
Kesinee
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Holy God...
...I feel like I'm sinking. I don't even know why, really. I am loving living with Rita, and I know it would be so much worse without her here, but I am slipping nonetheless. I miss my family. Every time I think about them, and how far away they are, and that I am the only one not there, I get really upset. I KNOW this sounds like a little first year complaint, but I was never homesick in my first three years of school. Not really. I have grown up enough to realized how important they are to me, and am still young enough to yearn for the comfort of my childhood home and city. My routines from adolescence, my old job, my car, my room, my friends, the park by my house, my old running route. Everything. I miss it all, but nothing more than my family.
My family also includes my closest friends. I have Rita and Kathleen (and Eve just moved as well) here, but I miss Ali, and Hannah, and Joelle. I miss our sleepovers, and long rambling talks, even our games of truth or truth. I miss watching movies on Ali's epic sized television, and being just a short drive in Myrtle to get to any of you, and all of you.
I miss my job. I miss working with children. I feel so lost here in Victoria. There is no network for me here, no sense of purpose this summer. I feel like I am useless, and the embarrassment of my family. I am the only one to not have a fulltime job. I DO have a job at a theatre here, but it is far too partime. So part time, I often wonder if they really wanted to hire me in the first place.
I think a big thing, is I am just feeling really unwanted within the city. I mean, I do have friends here to hang out with, but no real adult purpose to be here. I had a valid fear at the beginning of the summer that I would regret staying here this summer, and I am afraid that fear is in the midst of coming true. I feel stuck, and sad, and lonely, and mad at myself, and there are happy times, many of them, but right now at this very moment when I am writing this, the overwhelming emotions are negative.
I want to come home. I want to stop crying.
My family also includes my closest friends. I have Rita and Kathleen (and Eve just moved as well) here, but I miss Ali, and Hannah, and Joelle. I miss our sleepovers, and long rambling talks, even our games of truth or truth. I miss watching movies on Ali's epic sized television, and being just a short drive in Myrtle to get to any of you, and all of you.
I miss my job. I miss working with children. I feel so lost here in Victoria. There is no network for me here, no sense of purpose this summer. I feel like I am useless, and the embarrassment of my family. I am the only one to not have a fulltime job. I DO have a job at a theatre here, but it is far too partime. So part time, I often wonder if they really wanted to hire me in the first place.
I think a big thing, is I am just feeling really unwanted within the city. I mean, I do have friends here to hang out with, but no real adult purpose to be here. I had a valid fear at the beginning of the summer that I would regret staying here this summer, and I am afraid that fear is in the midst of coming true. I feel stuck, and sad, and lonely, and mad at myself, and there are happy times, many of them, but right now at this very moment when I am writing this, the overwhelming emotions are negative.
I want to come home. I want to stop crying.
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