This weekend was AWESOME! I had a double sleepover with Kathleen and Rita for Kathleen's birthday!!! The big 22, haha! It was so fun, I was so happy to be with people who love and care about me and would never judge or mistreat me. I love you guyssssss!!! (And miss Hannah, Joelle, and Ali WAY too much!) We made yummy food, went out for dinner, watched Date Night (Which was effing HILARIOUS: ZIP YOUR VAGINA!) hahahahaha. SO. GOOD. And just talked, and were in good company. This has been one of the best weekends I've had all year! Sometimes the best times are just doing whatever you want with people you love (even if that means you want to stay horizontal and in your pajamas for way too long each day!!)
Something crappy did happen though. My ankle and foot have been hurting more badly than it has in a long while. I have been taking extra strength ibuprofen regularly for three days, but the pain never quite goes away. I have always been proud of how high my pain tolerance is, but I can honestly say at times my ankle and foot have been almost unbearable for me this week. I can hardly walk...I have to take ibuprofen and then limp like a damn cripple to get anywhere...and stairs hurt a whole lot. I don't even know what it causing this bout of pain. I haven't rolled it in a while...but it just flared up quickly and badly. I have a physio appointment this Thursday, so I can let you all know what is up.
I realized also that I have such an emotional attachment to my ankle. I was walking home a couple of days ago, and it started hurting so badly I almost fell down, and I had to stop for a while. As soon as it hurt, I just burst into tears with no warning, and bawled like a baby the whole walk home, in public...augh. I need to work on that little aspect of my injury. Also, I need to buy an ankle brace. I saw one in a pharmacy near my house for 40 bucks, so I should get it!
I am still looking for regular work as well. I work part time at the Belfry and have gotten two paycheques from them, but I would like regular work. I will hopefully hear from the playcare people from the YMCA soon! (cross your fingers for me!) Also, 8 days until I go to Vancouver to do a paid gig in acting, and 10 days until NYC! I am pretty darn stoked!
I would love an update on your lives, either as a comment here, or as an update on your blogs, or a phone call or anything!
Love always
Kesinee
Monday, May 10, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
GOoooOooooOd Summer...
...I am in the process of finding a job, I am going to New York in less than a month, I will be going to London, England end of July, I am getting paid $300+ for an acting job in Vancouver plus hotels and food, and I AM SO STOKED! Nomad is going to be here tomorrow with my Mom and Dad, and we will be LIVING together officially on Saturday! EEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I am WAY TOO EXCITED ABOUT LIFEEEE!!!!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Philosophers of the old really knew their shit...
...I have had a rough couple of weeks. It is still weird, but I am feeling a lot better. I don't want to delve into all the details of what has happened, but I have had a true falling out with someone in my life. It happened mutually, and for my emotional safety. I am not sure what is going to happen. My mom sent me a message on facebook after hearing about this ordeal, and I am going to let that do the talking about how I am really feeling.
"Anyone can become angry -- that is easy -- but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way -- that is not easy." -Aristotle
And I completely agree.
Love!
"Anyone can become angry -- that is easy -- but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way -- that is not easy." -Aristotle
And I completely agree.
Love!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Thoughts of the day...
Classes are finished, presentation day finished...and now I am officially a fourth year in waiting. I am endlessly excited about this, but also anxious about this. What if I never work as an actor after I graduate? What if I am not ever talented enough, or beautiful enough to do this? What if I succeed? What happens next?
Many people in my class...and others...are always asked to be in shows by friends, are complimented by them everyday, are told how much they have grown and flourished. I am SO proud of my class, don't get me wrong, and I KNOW I seem like I am pretty confident...because for the most part I really and truly am...but sometimes I am really not as well. I know for myself that I have come remarkably far from the Footloose days...but I still feel like I have much to catch up with.
I didn't always know I wanted to be an actor...I wanted the Olympics, I wanted to be a surgeon, a teacher, an gymnast...acting was just something I liked doing. I decided when I was 18 that I wanted to act for a living. Pretty damn late in the game. And now I am surrounded by people who knew what they were meant for since they were tiny. they have been training for it...taking classes, being in shows, etc, for a long, long time. I realized a few things recently:
1. I have never played a lead before...not ever...in my entire life
2. The first real theatre I ever did a play in, was Dark of the Moon...my second year here
3. I will have never played in a proscenium theatre...not even when graduated
Now, I know there are positive things as well...I have a pretty well trained voice and body (though...after a lecture from a famous casting director I am feeling pretty low body-image wise), I can do musical theatre, as well as naturalism...so my range has grown, and my base skill set has increased far more than I thought it ever could before coming here.
It's just so crazy seeing my peers and friends graduate and knowing that it one year exactly, I will be in the same boat as them, and I have basically no game plan whatsoever.
Also...this summer will be AMAZING, but I just found out I will be going to London completely by myself. Now, this will be a huge self-learning experience, that is for sure, but will also be one of the most terrifying experiences of my life to date as well. I have done some pretty epic things in my lifetime...going to Worlds and finaling is one of them...but I have always had people there. This time, I will have me myself and I...in London. Amazing, incredible, exciting, and terrifying!
I am so sad that Kathleen won't live with Jo, Rita and I. I was really looking forward to four of six of us finally living together, but the same thing has happened this year as last year. There is no blame in my heart at all...just disappointment. I mean...the easiest thing would have been for me to stay here with Kayla, and not moved, and been as close as the new place to the University...but I decided that living with Jo, Rita and Kathleen was totally worth it. Now...living with Jo and Rita is STILL DEFINITELY worth the move...I am just sad the experience won't be shared by all that it could have affected. This is not meant to make anyone feel bad, but it is just a part of my anxiety I am feeling right now, so I thought I'd write about it. I wish the other house had worked out...but it hasn't and now the results are not ideal.
A job. I need one. I emailed the Belfy again last night, but no response so far. I hope I have that job...because I will be working in a theatre, but not the Phoenix, it is a 15 minute bus ride away, and I like the employees and atmosphere a lot, and it pays pretty well. i want to stay here this summer...but I NEED money to survive as well.
I want to hear from Hannah. I hear from everyone else, I talk to Ali on msn, get to see Kathleen and Jo here in Vic (though not as much as I would ideally like), I have had numerous phone dates with Rita, I get to talk to my friends from school everyday...but I have heard nothing from you Hannah. I know it is not because you want to distance yourself (or at least I hope not...) but probably because it is easy to forget to talk when you're busy with the Co-op. But just know I miss you, love you, and want to know what's new in your life.
I have been feeling more and more appreciative of my friends and family from Calgary...and the few close ones I've made here in Vic. I realize everyday how much I need support ( as we all do) and am so happy I have a strong system around me. I feel like I need to use it more though. I hope that over the summer, and the next year, I will be able to talk to everyone more...even if I won't be where you are. I need you, and want you to know it...am not ashamed of it...don't feel weak because of it. In fact, my need for you is made more full by the knowledge that I am needed as well. I love how mutual my real and true friendships are. Friendships are something I have thought about a lot this year...what a true one is...what a close one is...what a acquaintances are...what kind of friends I want. I feel lucky to have you in my life.
Kind of contradictory to that...this year I have often found myself feeling very lonely. Yearning to connect with people at a deeper level, when it may not be possible. To connect romantically perhaps, even. I don't know why I have been perpetually single for so long. Is there something wrong with me? Am I ugly? Too fat? Annoying? I don't have any huge personality flaws, I am not violent, I think I get along with most people...but yet...never romantically. Not even close. Perhaps it is just not the right time. Perhaps I have to wait, so that when it happens, it is with the right person, and this long wait will have been for a reason. We'll see. I have been more homesick than ever before. BUT, at the same time, I have learned to BEGIN to enjoy my own company, to love myself and get to know myself in a deeper way. I have been working hard on myself...to be a better person. I have grown not only as an actor, but as a human being, and I am really proud of that.
This ended up being a lot longer than I intended...and I don't even know if anyone actually reads these anymore...except for Ali...I know you do, and I appreciate it! BUT...I just needed to get all this out, before it ate up my insides, and caused me grief.
Love you all, miss you all, and hope everyone is doing well. Let me know! Update your blogs, phone me, facebook me, email me! I am always available for my besties! <3
Bye for now!
Kes
Many people in my class...and others...are always asked to be in shows by friends, are complimented by them everyday, are told how much they have grown and flourished. I am SO proud of my class, don't get me wrong, and I KNOW I seem like I am pretty confident...because for the most part I really and truly am...but sometimes I am really not as well. I know for myself that I have come remarkably far from the Footloose days...but I still feel like I have much to catch up with.
I didn't always know I wanted to be an actor...I wanted the Olympics, I wanted to be a surgeon, a teacher, an gymnast...acting was just something I liked doing. I decided when I was 18 that I wanted to act for a living. Pretty damn late in the game. And now I am surrounded by people who knew what they were meant for since they were tiny. they have been training for it...taking classes, being in shows, etc, for a long, long time. I realized a few things recently:
1. I have never played a lead before...not ever...in my entire life
2. The first real theatre I ever did a play in, was Dark of the Moon...my second year here
3. I will have never played in a proscenium theatre...not even when graduated
Now, I know there are positive things as well...I have a pretty well trained voice and body (though...after a lecture from a famous casting director I am feeling pretty low body-image wise), I can do musical theatre, as well as naturalism...so my range has grown, and my base skill set has increased far more than I thought it ever could before coming here.
It's just so crazy seeing my peers and friends graduate and knowing that it one year exactly, I will be in the same boat as them, and I have basically no game plan whatsoever.
Also...this summer will be AMAZING, but I just found out I will be going to London completely by myself. Now, this will be a huge self-learning experience, that is for sure, but will also be one of the most terrifying experiences of my life to date as well. I have done some pretty epic things in my lifetime...going to Worlds and finaling is one of them...but I have always had people there. This time, I will have me myself and I...in London. Amazing, incredible, exciting, and terrifying!
I am so sad that Kathleen won't live with Jo, Rita and I. I was really looking forward to four of six of us finally living together, but the same thing has happened this year as last year. There is no blame in my heart at all...just disappointment. I mean...the easiest thing would have been for me to stay here with Kayla, and not moved, and been as close as the new place to the University...but I decided that living with Jo, Rita and Kathleen was totally worth it. Now...living with Jo and Rita is STILL DEFINITELY worth the move...I am just sad the experience won't be shared by all that it could have affected. This is not meant to make anyone feel bad, but it is just a part of my anxiety I am feeling right now, so I thought I'd write about it. I wish the other house had worked out...but it hasn't and now the results are not ideal.
A job. I need one. I emailed the Belfy again last night, but no response so far. I hope I have that job...because I will be working in a theatre, but not the Phoenix, it is a 15 minute bus ride away, and I like the employees and atmosphere a lot, and it pays pretty well. i want to stay here this summer...but I NEED money to survive as well.
I want to hear from Hannah. I hear from everyone else, I talk to Ali on msn, get to see Kathleen and Jo here in Vic (though not as much as I would ideally like), I have had numerous phone dates with Rita, I get to talk to my friends from school everyday...but I have heard nothing from you Hannah. I know it is not because you want to distance yourself (or at least I hope not...) but probably because it is easy to forget to talk when you're busy with the Co-op. But just know I miss you, love you, and want to know what's new in your life.
I have been feeling more and more appreciative of my friends and family from Calgary...and the few close ones I've made here in Vic. I realize everyday how much I need support ( as we all do) and am so happy I have a strong system around me. I feel like I need to use it more though. I hope that over the summer, and the next year, I will be able to talk to everyone more...even if I won't be where you are. I need you, and want you to know it...am not ashamed of it...don't feel weak because of it. In fact, my need for you is made more full by the knowledge that I am needed as well. I love how mutual my real and true friendships are. Friendships are something I have thought about a lot this year...what a true one is...what a close one is...what a acquaintances are...what kind of friends I want. I feel lucky to have you in my life.
Kind of contradictory to that...this year I have often found myself feeling very lonely. Yearning to connect with people at a deeper level, when it may not be possible. To connect romantically perhaps, even. I don't know why I have been perpetually single for so long. Is there something wrong with me? Am I ugly? Too fat? Annoying? I don't have any huge personality flaws, I am not violent, I think I get along with most people...but yet...never romantically. Not even close. Perhaps it is just not the right time. Perhaps I have to wait, so that when it happens, it is with the right person, and this long wait will have been for a reason. We'll see. I have been more homesick than ever before. BUT, at the same time, I have learned to BEGIN to enjoy my own company, to love myself and get to know myself in a deeper way. I have been working hard on myself...to be a better person. I have grown not only as an actor, but as a human being, and I am really proud of that.
This ended up being a lot longer than I intended...and I don't even know if anyone actually reads these anymore...except for Ali...I know you do, and I appreciate it! BUT...I just needed to get all this out, before it ate up my insides, and caused me grief.
Love you all, miss you all, and hope everyone is doing well. Let me know! Update your blogs, phone me, facebook me, email me! I am always available for my besties! <3
Bye for now!
Kes
Monday, April 5, 2010
HOLY CRAP!!!!! BEST SUMMER EVER!!!
I found out today, I was ACCEPTED to Mounview Academy's Musical Theatre summer program. I found this out today, just as my first guest was arriving for Easter dinner hosted at my place. And where is Mountview you might ask? It's in freaking LONDON, ENGLAND BITCHES!!!!! GOD. SO, basically, I end school in a week. Then on May 20, I head out to effing NEW YORK, and go see Broadway shows. The, I go back to Victoria, where I will be living with Kathleen and Rita over the summer (and then us three plus Joelle in the school year), and will hopefully have a job at The Belfry Theatre. I am also getting paid to act for a corporate humour thing, AND I am doing a grocery store flash mob musical, AAAAND, I have an opportunity to be in a Victoria Fringe Show. THEN, mid July, I pack my bags again and fly out to LONDON, I go for two weeks, training 10 days (5 days a week, no weekends) for hours and hours. Then on Aug. 6, I come back, finish up work, and start on my epic fourth year, being in sweet shows. This is mind blowingly good new, I tell you. MAN! I couldn't be more stoked on life if I tried to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALSO. HAPPY EASTER! I love you, and I wish I could have celebrated it with you all. I went to church today. I was nervous about it, because it was a new church, and I haven't been to church in a looooooooooong ass time. But it was alright. it's United, so I recognized a lot of how things were in the program. And there was an adorable kids play about resurrection. SO cute. Alex and I went together, so we wouldn't have to go alone, to a place where everyone would know we had never been there before.
So yes. That is all my news. Update all your blogs, so I can know what's going on in your lives!
MUCHO LOVE!!! <3 <3 <3
ALSO. HAPPY EASTER! I love you, and I wish I could have celebrated it with you all. I went to church today. I was nervous about it, because it was a new church, and I haven't been to church in a looooooooooong ass time. But it was alright. it's United, so I recognized a lot of how things were in the program. And there was an adorable kids play about resurrection. SO cute. Alex and I went together, so we wouldn't have to go alone, to a place where everyone would know we had never been there before.
So yes. That is all my news. Update all your blogs, so I can know what's going on in your lives!
MUCHO LOVE!!! <3 <3 <3
Saturday, March 27, 2010
some interesting developments:
So, the last time I posted, I was super worried about life. basically, my voice teacher had pulled me and three others into her office, and made us all feel like we had no chances of being in either two shows we had gotten callbacks for, for the next year...our fourth, and last, year of school. The two shows are Yerma, by Lorca, and Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. SOOO I had thoughts about how much I suck, and how if I did get cast in Twelfth Night it would be a pity cast, and that there was no way in hell I would get in Yerma at all. Boy was I wrong. In Yerma...turns out I am cast as Yerma...one of the best roles I may ever get to play.
She is a young and beautiful Spanish woman, who is unable to have children. Her husband Juan (played by a guy who was also pulled into that damn meeting) doesn't want kids, and sees them as an expensive and noisy nuisance. It becomes implied to Yerma that perhaps he is sterile...so it it HIS fault, not hers that she cannot have children. She goes to a fertility ceremony, where there is a huge orgy thing, and a dance and song and there is where she kills her husband, and any possibility of her having kids...as she will not entertain the idea of marrying again. Pretty effing cool. AND the language is just gorgeous. Lorca calls it a dramatic poem, not a play, and for good reason. It is beautiful. SO needless to say, I am pretty damn stoked about that.
I ALSO got cast in Twelfth Night, as Feste...who is actually a male clown character. I am double cast with the guy who is playing Juan...so we will be seeing a whole lot of each other next year...but it's ok, we get along. Other than me killing him onstage, we are pretty chill. I will be playing feste as a woman though, and Linda (voice teacher) says that she has exciting plans for me. SO I am stoked about this too, though a little peeved that we had the scary meeting at all...since apparently it was unnecessary anyway.
I decided to move out of the place I am living in now. It's not because I don't like living here, or living with my roommate, because I totally do. It just feels like I need a change, and also, I will be living with Rita and Kathleen. I never get to see Kathleen now, and I feel like if I live with them, I will be able to see them AND her, so I think I made the best choice out of a really hard decision.
Hmmm, what else do I talk about? I am SOOOOOOO ready for school to be over. I can't even wait for it. I am YEARNING towards summer, which is kind of bad as I have so damn much left to do in school before I can peace out. Oh well, somehow it will all get done. ALSO for the summer, I am staying in Victoria, which is something new. Kathleen, Rita, most of my class, and I will be here, so there isn't much reason for me to go back to Calgary. Plus I have some options for jobs here...which I DON'T have in Calgary. Also, neither Alison, or Hannah will be there either. I will miss my mom, dad and Doug a whole hell of a lot though. It'll be weird not seeing them steadily for those four months. I feel like it could be a good opportunity to learn things about myself, and grow up a whole lot, too.
So yeah, I THINK that is all that is new with me, and I want to know what's new with all of you, so keep on blogging! OH, and comment on mine, so I feel like I am not just blithering on about myself to only myself! Ok thanks!
Love you always
Kes!
She is a young and beautiful Spanish woman, who is unable to have children. Her husband Juan (played by a guy who was also pulled into that damn meeting) doesn't want kids, and sees them as an expensive and noisy nuisance. It becomes implied to Yerma that perhaps he is sterile...so it it HIS fault, not hers that she cannot have children. She goes to a fertility ceremony, where there is a huge orgy thing, and a dance and song and there is where she kills her husband, and any possibility of her having kids...as she will not entertain the idea of marrying again. Pretty effing cool. AND the language is just gorgeous. Lorca calls it a dramatic poem, not a play, and for good reason. It is beautiful. SO needless to say, I am pretty damn stoked about that.
I ALSO got cast in Twelfth Night, as Feste...who is actually a male clown character. I am double cast with the guy who is playing Juan...so we will be seeing a whole lot of each other next year...but it's ok, we get along. Other than me killing him onstage, we are pretty chill. I will be playing feste as a woman though, and Linda (voice teacher) says that she has exciting plans for me. SO I am stoked about this too, though a little peeved that we had the scary meeting at all...since apparently it was unnecessary anyway.
I decided to move out of the place I am living in now. It's not because I don't like living here, or living with my roommate, because I totally do. It just feels like I need a change, and also, I will be living with Rita and Kathleen. I never get to see Kathleen now, and I feel like if I live with them, I will be able to see them AND her, so I think I made the best choice out of a really hard decision.
Hmmm, what else do I talk about? I am SOOOOOOO ready for school to be over. I can't even wait for it. I am YEARNING towards summer, which is kind of bad as I have so damn much left to do in school before I can peace out. Oh well, somehow it will all get done. ALSO for the summer, I am staying in Victoria, which is something new. Kathleen, Rita, most of my class, and I will be here, so there isn't much reason for me to go back to Calgary. Plus I have some options for jobs here...which I DON'T have in Calgary. Also, neither Alison, or Hannah will be there either. I will miss my mom, dad and Doug a whole hell of a lot though. It'll be weird not seeing them steadily for those four months. I feel like it could be a good opportunity to learn things about myself, and grow up a whole lot, too.
So yeah, I THINK that is all that is new with me, and I want to know what's new with all of you, so keep on blogging! OH, and comment on mine, so I feel like I am not just blithering on about myself to only myself! Ok thanks!
Love you always
Kes!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
dear god....
....I am SOOO homesick right now. I had a terrible day today...one of those days where I can truly ask myself...should I be doing what I am doing? Am I actually good enough to do this? I want to see you guys, and I want to be home, and I want to be happy. Hopefully tomorrow is better than today.
Kesinee
Kesinee
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