Ok, so I've been home and have had lots of time to think about what I want my life to look like in the years coming up. I guess this is a post in which I kind of brainstorm about what it is I want to do with myself!
First, for the very short term: I've already applied to the JET Programme exchange with G, which is pretty cool I wasn't expecting to apply to this, but then I thought...why the heck not? It's such a cool opportunity. Teaching English in a Japanese school for a year. I got the application in with a mere ten or so minutes to spare, but it was postmarked for the correct date, and BAM, that is done. I am hoping I at least get an interview for this job. It would be an amazing experience, and the money's not too shabby either!
As for other applications, I am hoping to get the musical theatre ones sent off this week to Arts Ed (not musical theatre, but it has dance and singing in it), Guildford, and Mountview of course! All of these are one year Masters programs. God I want to do this SO badly...I've wanted to go to London for musical theatre for years...probably around 6 years or more. After going last summer it just solidified that fact. I know I meant to do musicals in my life, I just don't know to which extent. Small or big stages...local or international...we'll just have to see, I suppose. All I know is that I feel the most alive and happy and confident when I am doing musicals...and singing in general. As scary as it is to audition and the prospect of being rejected, it feels good to know that I am taking real steps towards the future I want. I will keep everyone updated as to the status of my applications as I find out.
There is something that MAY stand in my way for MFAs in Musical Theatre this year though. That is my ankle. My injured, painful loose little ankle. I finally went to see a Sports Med Doctor to see if I actually need surgery on it. He said I really do, and even if I wanted to do musicals as just a hobby and not a career like I do, he'd recommend it. I have two ligament on the outer side of my right ankle that have been so stretched and so damaged so many times and for such a long time that they are now unable to heal at all. They are so loose that rolling my ankle happens way too much, and too easily and (this is kind of gross) when he made my lie on my back with my leg bent, he was able to hold my foot down, and move my leg around on the top of my foot (without the foot moving) more than an inch each way because of how loose it is. SO, I will probably be getting said surgery in the summer of this coming year...so HOPEFULLY the fucker won't bug me anymore afterwards. BUT the problem is that I wanted to audition for schools this summer...which includes dancing...so instead, I am going to send in the applications, and then email the contacts I've made over this summer, and see if anything can be arrange. Something like me bringing a tape of a movement project, and still doing the acting and singing part, or something like that. If it all goes my way, I'll get into all of these places, choose the best one, rock that year like crazy, get in a show right away and become a dazzling West End star! But we'll have to see! If I don't get in and i DO get in to do the JET programme, then I'll do that.
I am also hoping to start making plans about what I'll do if I don't get accepted to any of this! I am hoping to move to either Toronto or Montreal (but honestly Toronto is more appealing to me...more commerical theatre) with some of my friends and we can live as poor but eager theatre kids in the real world. I have been realizing more and more that without good friends and surrounding love and happiness, nothing else matters. I have wonderful friends I've made from elementary school, and I've made amazing friends in University and I know I have to keep in touch or I just won't be fulfilled in life. I can't live without love, even if that means I won't ever be recognized in the field I want to be in. (though, if I have my way I'll have both!)
After that, I just hope I can always do theatre, and singing, and dance to be honest. Even if i never get famous, or never get on a big stage, I want to continue doing these things. I just wouldn't be me if I weren't a dramatic kid who bursts into songs at the drop of a dime, and dances like a maniac if I want to. So there.
Now, none of these plans are concrete, and that is exciting, but it is also terrifying! I have to believe that whatever happens is meant to happen and will make me a better person for experiencing whatever it is. With belief in myself, and support of others, and it going vise versa as well, I do feel like I'll be alright in the end, and won't die of some flesh eating disease while living in a dumpster, but I don't even notice because I've gone crazy and actually believe I am Ethel Merman while constantly rocking back and forth endlessly singing about how "there's NO business like SHOOOOWW business, like NOOO business I KNOOOOOOWWWWW."
So yes, there are some half baked plans that I would like to achieve some time in my life. I hope some if not all can happen!
Now for something completely different: my parents are coming home from Malta today, and I am SO stoked to see them! I am going to pick them up from the airport in about half an hour! The house is even super clean so they won't get mad, hahah! I've gotten all of my Christmas presents bought, and I will wrap them after I pick up les parents. After that I plan on baking cheesecake tarts and almond balls for Christmas! On that note, I think I can bid the net adieu! I'll write more once I have something actually exciting to talk about! Toodles for now!
Kes <3
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
I'll be home for Christmas
actually, I am home already! In the C-Dot. It has been good so far, seeing my mom, being in my old bedroom, having groceries, you know, all that good stuff. THOUGH, my parents have now both left on the holiday until the 18th, my friends from Calgary are not in town yet, my Vic friends have JUST started to arrive, and I've done nothing but watch really sappy movies. hahah, for the love of my own sanity, I should really stop watching romantic comedies. They make for an unrealistic hope of finding love overnight. But really, apart from being a little bit lonely, things are really good. I finished up my last paper for this semester, and am excited to do Christmas baking, shopping and decorating, catching up with friends (once they get here...), visiting Lethbridge, doing applications for musical theatre schools, applying for jobs, and scholarships and watching tons of Christmas specials. I have definitely become unaccustomed to the cold here though...I feel like a huge wuss...shivering indoors, and never feeling warm when outside. Hopefully I'll toughen up again during this month here. Well, I don't have a whole lot else to say! How have your breaks all been going? To all the people who will be coming to Calgary: I am excited to hang out, and for all the people in Victoria: I miss you already, and am excited to see you in the new year! Have a wonderful winter break!
Love,
Kesinee
Love,
Kesinee
Monday, November 22, 2010
Self respect. Warning: not the happiest post.
So...things need to change so that I can be happier. I was talking to a good friend of mine a few days ago, and I was able to bounce ideas off of her, and she off of me, and I realized that there are some self destructive things I have been doing, that I need to stop. Now, usually I don't post things like this on here...it's all whining, and excitement, and rants and whatever but I feel like if I am going to change anything, I have to decide it in a way that I can't take it back...and that is if other people know about it, and helpp me with it.
Ok, so first the thing everyone who knows me should know about me: I am probably the most insecure person you've ever met. Now, I know it doesn't seem like it, but I am. I have soooooooooooo many (and I mean SO. MANY.) walls put up to hide it, and the friends I've had the longest know most of them, but at the deepest part of me, I am pretty much afraid of everything. I hide with humour. I do love making people laugh, but sometimes it just goes a little too far with me, and it becomes painful. I hide behind perfectionism. I hide behind loudness, a confident facade (though occasionally I do actually feel it...), laughter, strength, lots of things. I am afraid that if I let any vulnerability show, people won't like me anymore. Which is ridiculous, because vulnerability is something I value so much in other people. If you can think of it, I am probably insecure about it. Now, I know a lot of people are insecure about the things I am insecure about, but I just haven't been dealing with it in a healthy way: not now and not in my past.
I have set up my social life in a way that people find it easy to laugh at me. Not with me. I make jokes often, so people make jokes about me, often ones that hurt me deeply, and I say nothing because at least one person is getting something happy out of the situation. I am afraid that if I keep this up, people will stop taking anything I do seriously, or I will stop taking myself seriously. There are a lot of layers to me, as with any person, and I have been trying SO hard to stifle myself, for god knows what reason. fear of judgment? Fear of isolation? Fear of stepping on people's toes? Fuck if I know. All I know is that it's been going on way too long, and it's finally getting to me in a huge way. All this month I've been feeling quite down, and I think it's for these reasons that it's happening. I haven't been respecting myself, and so I am not getting the respect I want.
I find it so hard to let go in front of people. Everyone cries, and I do...and more often than people might think, but it is always SO difficult to do it unless I am alone. It makes people uncomfortable...and thereby makes me uncomfortable. I wish that could change, but we'll see. I think that is the stem of a fairly frequent feeling of loneliness for me. I do get lonely, and often...even though I am surrounded by brilliant people, and wonderful friends. I often feel like I don't really belong, or I don't quite fit in. That there is something wrong with me that sets me apart from everyone else. I know this is totally all in my head, but it does get to me. There are not many things in my life that can get me down as much as feeling cripplingly lonely while physically surrounded by people.
In theatre history, there was a debate about whether people "act" or "wear masks" in everyday life. Well, in my brief experience, I can damn well tell you that I, at least, most certainly do. I don't know if there is a "true self" but I would like to find out. We were talking about how people are cast in certain roles by the people in their lives. Well, I think we cast ourselves in roles as well, and I am beginning to hate this role I have cast myself in for a good part of my life. What I would like to know, is how does one go about changing this role, even though most of the people I know, only know me as being this certain way? I have other roles too, and most of them I absolutely love, but this is one thing that has to stop...but I don't know how.
Another big thing that I am thinking about is something I touched on briefly in my last post. Being in Yerma has changed me, and I am SO happy for it. But it is throwing how I think about myself in "real life" into a not-so-pleasant light. Yerma is a beautiful woman who isn't afraid to own that fact. I...not so much. I have never identified much as a) a woman (thank you sports for my wonderful outlook on femininity...)or b) beautiful. I feel like both of these things when I am onstage and performing, but as soon as the costumes come off, reality smacks me in the face, and all of these insecurities start rushing at me again. I could list so many things. Now, I know I am not a typical beauty...maybe not a beauty at all, but one thing I DO know, is that I deserve to feel like one sometimes.
Now, at this point I have to say that this post is sparked mostly by a breakdown I had a few days ago. I am actually feeling quite a bit better now, what with parents visiting, and talking this through with a few people, but if I am going to be honest, I have to say that these issues are still very present. I want to work them through, and if I don't get it out there, I know I won't change anything. And I really have to change something in my life, and the way I identify with myself. I am not generally a whiny person, but I need to gather up some self respect, and find a way to get respect from the others in my life as well. Not with everyone does this happen, and not all the time...but I would like to minimize it even so.
Okay, well...I think that's all I have to say about this. Just as an ending, I feel I have to say that overall I know my life is really fricking awesome. I just need to do some things to make it awesome in all ways.
Until next time.
Ok, so first the thing everyone who knows me should know about me: I am probably the most insecure person you've ever met. Now, I know it doesn't seem like it, but I am. I have soooooooooooo many (and I mean SO. MANY.) walls put up to hide it, and the friends I've had the longest know most of them, but at the deepest part of me, I am pretty much afraid of everything. I hide with humour. I do love making people laugh, but sometimes it just goes a little too far with me, and it becomes painful. I hide behind perfectionism. I hide behind loudness, a confident facade (though occasionally I do actually feel it...), laughter, strength, lots of things. I am afraid that if I let any vulnerability show, people won't like me anymore. Which is ridiculous, because vulnerability is something I value so much in other people. If you can think of it, I am probably insecure about it. Now, I know a lot of people are insecure about the things I am insecure about, but I just haven't been dealing with it in a healthy way: not now and not in my past.
I have set up my social life in a way that people find it easy to laugh at me. Not with me. I make jokes often, so people make jokes about me, often ones that hurt me deeply, and I say nothing because at least one person is getting something happy out of the situation. I am afraid that if I keep this up, people will stop taking anything I do seriously, or I will stop taking myself seriously. There are a lot of layers to me, as with any person, and I have been trying SO hard to stifle myself, for god knows what reason. fear of judgment? Fear of isolation? Fear of stepping on people's toes? Fuck if I know. All I know is that it's been going on way too long, and it's finally getting to me in a huge way. All this month I've been feeling quite down, and I think it's for these reasons that it's happening. I haven't been respecting myself, and so I am not getting the respect I want.
I find it so hard to let go in front of people. Everyone cries, and I do...and more often than people might think, but it is always SO difficult to do it unless I am alone. It makes people uncomfortable...and thereby makes me uncomfortable. I wish that could change, but we'll see. I think that is the stem of a fairly frequent feeling of loneliness for me. I do get lonely, and often...even though I am surrounded by brilliant people, and wonderful friends. I often feel like I don't really belong, or I don't quite fit in. That there is something wrong with me that sets me apart from everyone else. I know this is totally all in my head, but it does get to me. There are not many things in my life that can get me down as much as feeling cripplingly lonely while physically surrounded by people.
In theatre history, there was a debate about whether people "act" or "wear masks" in everyday life. Well, in my brief experience, I can damn well tell you that I, at least, most certainly do. I don't know if there is a "true self" but I would like to find out. We were talking about how people are cast in certain roles by the people in their lives. Well, I think we cast ourselves in roles as well, and I am beginning to hate this role I have cast myself in for a good part of my life. What I would like to know, is how does one go about changing this role, even though most of the people I know, only know me as being this certain way? I have other roles too, and most of them I absolutely love, but this is one thing that has to stop...but I don't know how.
Another big thing that I am thinking about is something I touched on briefly in my last post. Being in Yerma has changed me, and I am SO happy for it. But it is throwing how I think about myself in "real life" into a not-so-pleasant light. Yerma is a beautiful woman who isn't afraid to own that fact. I...not so much. I have never identified much as a) a woman (thank you sports for my wonderful outlook on femininity...)or b) beautiful. I feel like both of these things when I am onstage and performing, but as soon as the costumes come off, reality smacks me in the face, and all of these insecurities start rushing at me again. I could list so many things. Now, I know I am not a typical beauty...maybe not a beauty at all, but one thing I DO know, is that I deserve to feel like one sometimes.
Now, at this point I have to say that this post is sparked mostly by a breakdown I had a few days ago. I am actually feeling quite a bit better now, what with parents visiting, and talking this through with a few people, but if I am going to be honest, I have to say that these issues are still very present. I want to work them through, and if I don't get it out there, I know I won't change anything. And I really have to change something in my life, and the way I identify with myself. I am not generally a whiny person, but I need to gather up some self respect, and find a way to get respect from the others in my life as well. Not with everyone does this happen, and not all the time...but I would like to minimize it even so.
Okay, well...I think that's all I have to say about this. Just as an ending, I feel I have to say that overall I know my life is really fricking awesome. I just need to do some things to make it awesome in all ways.
Until next time.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Yerma
So, the show has opened, and I think it is going well. I can also finally say, with confidence, that I am actually proud of myself. I never thought I would ever be given the real chance to play such a meaty and dramatic role, but here I am, and I feel like I am actually doing it some justice to boot! I have been learning things about myself...both things that I need to celebrate in myself, and things that I need to learn to appreciate more. If you know me at all, you should know that I have struggled my whole life with the image I have of myself. I have not always been the most healthy when it comes to my relationship with my physical self, but I can honestly say, I have never felt more beautiful than when I am onstage playing this role. This is an overwhelmingly positive thing for me. Sometimes, however, it throws how I feel about myself in real life in stark contrast...and I know I need to work on it. But I guess in a way that is positive as well. I am also feeling so much more confident in my choice to become an actor, and one with a varied and fulfilling career. I don't want to be type cast my whole life, and now that I know I can play something like this, I feel like I can fight against being the clown my whole life. I am actually SO proud of the whole cast. I think we all work together SO SO SO well, and without the support of everyone, I feel like there could have been many a break down for me on this journey. Also...two words: Warwick Dobson.
He is our director, and I seriously am in love with the process and environment he gave us all to work within. I have never had a more wonderful acting experience than this one. I had to take SO many risks to play this role, both professional and personal, and I feel like if it weren't for Warwick and the cast it would have been SO much more difficult to push myself to where I am now. This whole experience has made me really feel solidly that acting is what I am meant to do. I am so appreciative, and feel so lucky and privileged to have been given an opportunity like this one. We'll see how the whole run goes, but I am feeling extremely optimistic about it! <3 Until next time!
He is our director, and I seriously am in love with the process and environment he gave us all to work within. I have never had a more wonderful acting experience than this one. I had to take SO many risks to play this role, both professional and personal, and I feel like if it weren't for Warwick and the cast it would have been SO much more difficult to push myself to where I am now. This whole experience has made me really feel solidly that acting is what I am meant to do. I am so appreciative, and feel so lucky and privileged to have been given an opportunity like this one. We'll see how the whole run goes, but I am feeling extremely optimistic about it! <3 Until next time!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Wowza...
...so big reality check, my friends! Found out a few days ago I will be paying for the entirety of the trip to London for the masters' audition, the audition itself, and the whole year of school. That means in a year, I need to somehow get over $25, 000. So...I am working during the year, need one, two or three high paying jobs during the summer, and loans, and god knows what else. But I want this...so somehow it has to work out. Wish me luck. I refuse to give up and feel hopeless, but I AM feeling extremely overwhelmed right now, plus I need to get my surgery sometime this year, which has been stressing me out to no end as well. I am still as optimistic as I can be, but as always, wish these reality checks could have waited for a few more weeks of naive happiness and excitement. Ah well, life is what it is. Moving upwards and onwards, I suppose.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Last week in London!
...this is a super late post, and I don't remember EVERYTHING from the last week, but I though I would post it, mostly so I don't forget everything in this coming year.
Sunday:
a few of us went to go see Jersey Boys matinee. I really liked it, and I know some of Frankie Valli's songs to begin with. Man...the staging was brilliant as well. At one point, the staging was flipped around so it felt like we were backstage watching Frankie Valli and his band playing to the audience with bright lights, and we saw the stage managers and such downstage...it was so simple, but just beautiful. After the show, we got to meet and have a picture with some of the cast mates, and met the musical director who had gotten us cheap tickets and super nice ones as well! the front row of the second section, so it was raised up and had a TON of leg room! After that we wandered around a bit, had some dinner, and just chilled out at Chester House. We had a small dance rehearsal which not many people showed up to at all, hahah guess we know who's here to be serious! Ah well, my voice is pretty much better, so with a good sleep, I know I'll be alright!
Monday:
Again, up at 6:30 for breakfast with the clan. I think we had boiled ham, eggs, and rolls, which was pretty alright. We tubed and bussed over to Mountview for 9:15 to go through dances and do a vocal warm up before our first class of the day. I am really enjoying being a dance captain. I feel like because I am a bit older than most people, and because I have been taking initiative in the duties we've been assigned that everyone listens and respects me, which is super nice. The only class we had in the morning was a masterclass with the musical director of Sweet Charity. Basically for the whole morning, we learned the whole "Rhythm of Life" song. it's funny because I had actually learned this song while in Young Canadians, but I had learned the pg versin, and it had been a lot shorter as well. I was kind of annoyed at our group today, actually, because here we were with this AMAZING teacher who is working ON the West End, and some of the class couldn't even stop talking for three hours to learn some amazing things. Ah well, I can only focus on what I am doing, and so overall I really liked this! I love the song, and think the teacher was super nice...probably a bit too nice actually, hahaha! We then had lunch, and I went over to the grocery store to buy food...it's just so much cheaper doing this way. After lunch, we had more rehearsals for our showcase. The girls started learning a new song called You'll Never Walk Alone, and I have to say, we are preeeeetty damn good! It's four part harmony, and it is STUNNING! The guys have another number as well, they are doing Officer Krupke from West Side Story, and I know it's going to be awesome! Went home, and had dinner, watched Silence of the Lambs ( and a guy named Dan is suuuuuuper good at being Lecter...super creepy!, talked for a long time with Kim and Christina ( a much needed talk!) and then went to bed! I love those two...I don't want to leave in less than a week...definitely not ready.
Tuesday:
Up again at 6:30, breakfast at 7:30, and off to Mountview at 9 for dance and vocal warm up. In the morning, our class was split up into our two groups again for acting and dance. I had acting first. we basically talked about uniting and beating, verbing, motivations, obstacles and then our teacher (Jo Walsh from last week) showed us a bunch of books we should read. I wrote notes, and wrote down a bunch of the titles that I want to read. What I got from this, is basically if ANYONE tells me I am "musical theatre acting" Imma kick their butt! it is the SAME...the same process, character development...same everything. The difference is content...and sometimes you have to elevate the characterizations. An actor has to earn the right to heighten the character though, and so many people don't...which is where lots of poor productions come from. A character like Adelaide still has to be based in absolute truth, with real human feelings and motivations to be real on stage. Only then can she be heightened to who she has to be on stage. I liked that a lot! After that we had dance class. He was like a dancing Jackie Chan. I loved him. He does the dance auditions for Mountview, so he put us through what he would do IN an audition. We did another grueling warm up with him (though not even close to as bad as slow-and-painful death) and then did across the floor stuff. We then had about 15 minutes to learn a dance from Hairspray, which was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fun. I loved it...GOD I want to be in that show someday! I feel like I did a good job in this class, and saw the teacher looking at me quite a bit and smiling/nodding that sort of thing, so I got super excited. Goodness...I am getting more confident everyday that I chose the right industry for me! After this we had lunch, and then after lunch we had rehearsals for the showcase. The ladies didn't do a whoooooooole lot after lunch, mostly just waiting for the boys to choreograph Krupke. Our newest song, You'll Never Walk Alone, we are just sitting down and singing it...there is a little scene between Kim and Steven where he throws her to the ground, so we are basically telling her we are there for her. It's really nice. After class, we all went back to Chester, had dinner, watched Jeepers Creepers (which is the STUPIDEST horror movie ever...but still entertaining, especially with a bunch of musical theatre people watching it together!) and then went to bed!
Wednesday:
Another incredibly awesome day! Up at 6:30 for a 7:30 breakfast, and at Mountview by 9:30. We did a review of the showcase so far, and then a bit of a vocal warm up. We had individual singing lessons again. I worked with Claire Daniels (the woman from last week) again, and she was just as awesome the second time around. I did some range work, and more relaxing while singing exercises. I did some more work on Everything Else, and then had time to ask some questions. She told me it was good I hadn't had lessons before this because I am a clean slate to be taught, but still had a good natural voice. She told me lessons now would be a good idea because my voice is maturing, and I am sassy enough to tell a teacher if I don't agree with what I am being taught. I need to work on support in my highest notes of my range because I find them quite easy, so I can get a bit lazy with them! Very informative once again! After that we had Nick Holder again. (I thought it was Holden, but it's Holder!) I didn't get to perform again, but even just watching him work with others teaches me so much, and is SO inspiring. A group of us got to talk to him after class for a long time. I opened up more than I thought I would about my mindframe about myself, and my past with gymnastics. He was firm but very supportive. Yes I was told I couldn't do things, but I listened and believed them. He really thinks I can make it in the London industry, and told me he will be waiting for my return. God...I pretty much love the man, and have only seen him for 3 hours of my life. I truly feel like he has taught me more in 3 hours than I have been taught by any other single teacher I have ever met. We then had lunch, and then rehearsals for the showcase. We learned the last dance of our showcase, which is Run Freedom Run from Urinetown. It's SOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun!!! It is a gospel song, and it's fast, fun, and suuuuuuper high energy! A great song to end our show on! The dance captains decided that we'd show up at 9 tomorrow with the rest of the group to go over things! After class Christina, Sian, Alice I. and I went to go watch Billy Elliot. Oh. My. GOD. it is amaaaaaaaaaaaazing! I can totally understand why it won the Tony Award for best musical now. It is just stunning...the story, the songs, and the DANCING...my god. The boy who played Elliot was 12...ok? 12! And he is a junior associate of the London Ballet company, and was stunning at acting and singing as well...actually ALL of the kids in it were amazing. And the adults...just everything. So far, this has been my favourite London musical! I cried like a tiny child while watching it! After this (it took forEVER to get to and from the theatre....it and Wicked were way the hell out of central London...so it was a long trip) we got back to Chester way later than we all wanted (but it was SO worth it) so we rushed to bed, so we could get up early again!
Thursday:
Up at 6:30, breakfast at 7:30, Mountview at 9 for review and vocal warm up. I don't have a WHOLE lot to say about this day. It was a full day of rehearsal from 10-5. We got all the transitions down, and just nit-picked until it was all clean. It was a long day of dance, but super fun. I just love Lainey...I cannot believe I was so scared of her at first. I think she really likes me as well, she keeps mentioning me in her talks to us, and telling me to remember things she says so I can lead the group later. She is not going to be there tomorrow for the rehearsals or our showcase, so it is Mike England (singing teacher), Cameron, and I who are kind of running it tomorrow. Mike will be bbviously doing singing, Cameron is the acting, and I (with Georgie) am acting as Lainey's eyes for the dancing part! At the end of the day Lainey thanked all of us, and gave a special thanks to the dance captains, though especially to Georgie and I because we had done a WHOLE lot over the two weeks! Then we all went home, and had dinner, and sang together until bedtime. We are all getting kind of emotional about the prospect of leaving. I don't even want to think about it yet...after this, we went home and had dinner and THEN, Christina, Kim and I caught a troll...for real, hahahh! We saw a little troll statue on a balcony and had a little adventure taking it. We decided that we are going to mail him around to each other and take picture of it at iconic places in our Country! Kim is getting him first, so Troll will be off to Hong Kong first! Hahahah, SUCH a good time, SO much laughter! Then it was time for bed!
friday:
SUCH A GOOD DAY! Up at 6:30, breakfast 7:30 (where we showed the troll to everyone! ahahahahahah), Mountview at 9:30. We did a bit of a warm up, review, and vocal warm up too. The morning was rehearsals for the showcase in the afternoon. We ran each dance and cleaned it up, and then ran the whole thing twice, and had notes. Then we had lunch, we all ate at the cantina, and after that went and did our hair and make up. SO many pictures we taken today!!! I had also brought my camera, so I have a bunch of pics from today! We did our showcase, and it went SUPER well, I think! We had about 60 or so people watching, parents and friends and alumni! We finished it, and then were given a certificate of achievement, took group photos, and then bam...the course was over by about 3:30. I can't even believe it's over. Good thing we have plans for tonight, or I'd be a mess. We went to a pub just down the road from Mountview, and had a few drinks, sang too loudly, and then eventually had to say goodbye to people. God...I cried so much. I don't want to say goodbye to these people. Toby gave me his hat he used as a costume piece from our showcase, so I can bring it to Canada when I get back. I had to say goodbye to Sian as well...AUGH...sucks so MUCH! After this, a bunch of us went to Central London to see one last show before we left. Christina, Steven and I went to go see Blood Brothers, while a few more people watched Avenue Q (which I had seen the first time I went to London.) Blood brothers is SO fantastic! The second half especially. It's about twins being separated...so needless to say I cried SO much again! After that, we all decided being our last night together, who really gave a shit if we were tired, we'd all go out dancing, so we went to this shitty little club and danced and drank! We caught the last possible tube, and then I stayed up even later talking to friends. Eventually we just got WAY too tired, and all went to bed.
Saturday:
God damn it...last day. This effing SUCKS. It's after the fact, so I am going to write about the whole experience of this day. I got up early ish (I had been getting up at 6:30 the whole time, so getting up at wasn't hard even after staying up too late!) We all had breakfast together, and then we all packed up and brought our bags to the office for safekeeping. Basically, we just stayed in and talked until one by one people started having to leave. Saying goodbye was extremely difficult. I mean...I know I only knew these people for two weeks, but I have made veeeery good friends with them. Many MANY tears were had today. I HATED saying goodbye to Georgie. Her and Alice I. were the first of my closest friends to leave. God. We WILL stay in touch, I KNOW it. It sucked saying goodbye to everyone though. Lauren, Sasha, Xalvador, just to name a couple. AUGH. Then more and more people had to go as well. Then there were only a few of us left who had to catch the tube to our various places of departure. Roel, Kim, Alice W., Christina and I caught the tube together. I cried each time someone had to get off. I lost it most thoroughly when Kim and Christina had to go though. GOD. So there I was...sobbing by myself on a tube, and then this busker comes onto our car with a stereo and a microphone, and sang this horrible pervy love song and started pole dancing badly. So I go from crying, to laughing hysterically. Man...I bet the people on the tube thought I was insane. I saw a super hot man across from me though, and talked to him for like...40 minutes before he had to get off the tube as well. Man...but I would go from happy, to sad in a matter of seconds...and cry at any excuse. I did NOT want to leave at ALL. I met two other people who were flying to Calgary as well, so that was alright. After the long ass tube ride, I got my money back from my oyster card, and followed the signs to where I needed to go through security, and then to where I needed to wait for my gate to open. I had a bagel for lunch, and just read a book until my gate opened finally. I went to my gate, and waited around there for a bit, and was let on the plane just fine! I was beside this dude who was SUPER twitchy and kept clearing his throat, so I actually think he may have had mild turrets or something, but he was super nice and helped me fill out my declaration sheet thing. I watched like..4 movies the way back as well, because I knew I shouldn't sleep so I could become less jet lagged. After the long flight, I got through customs just fine, got my luggage and saw Jo, Mom and Dad waiting for me at the airport. It was SO nice to see them. I mean, I didn't want to leave at all, but it was really good to have them there and hug them, and talk with them! We had had dinner on the plane, but because of the time difference, it was dinner time again when I got to Calgary. So parents took me out to Chinese food, but I was SOOOOOOOO tired I could barely function. My eyes were pretty much slits, and I couldn't keep them any more open than that. We drove home, I hung out about the house, and went to bed as soon as I possibly could!
Calgary:
The next day we had a BBQ with the family the next day. It was nice to see aunts, uncles, cousins, and all of them. I was still SUPER tired and jet lagged, but it was really nice. We were there for a long time, which was good, because I had to leave Calgary the next day. The next day I went shopping with mom for some stuff, and then I was off to Victoria again, and my plane was delayed for over an hour, but whatevs, I had a book. And I could nap a bit, too. So yeah, I was picked up at the Vic airport by Graeme, and we visited, and the next day life began as normal once again.
I have learned so much from this trip, have a new confidence, validation, support, and positivity that I didn't have before. I know where I want to go in one year from now, and will do everything I can to ensure that I make it back there. New decisions and new choices, I will believe in myself, and let the old lies die. I will remember this experience forever, and can't wait for my future. I am ready for fourth year, and then to go and take risks I didn't know I ever could before this! I will keep in touch with all the people I've met here, including all my friends, Nick Holder, and the teachers if I can. I've found where I belong, and I am not going to forget that, ever! <3
Kesinee
Sunday:
a few of us went to go see Jersey Boys matinee. I really liked it, and I know some of Frankie Valli's songs to begin with. Man...the staging was brilliant as well. At one point, the staging was flipped around so it felt like we were backstage watching Frankie Valli and his band playing to the audience with bright lights, and we saw the stage managers and such downstage...it was so simple, but just beautiful. After the show, we got to meet and have a picture with some of the cast mates, and met the musical director who had gotten us cheap tickets and super nice ones as well! the front row of the second section, so it was raised up and had a TON of leg room! After that we wandered around a bit, had some dinner, and just chilled out at Chester House. We had a small dance rehearsal which not many people showed up to at all, hahah guess we know who's here to be serious! Ah well, my voice is pretty much better, so with a good sleep, I know I'll be alright!
Monday:
Again, up at 6:30 for breakfast with the clan. I think we had boiled ham, eggs, and rolls, which was pretty alright. We tubed and bussed over to Mountview for 9:15 to go through dances and do a vocal warm up before our first class of the day. I am really enjoying being a dance captain. I feel like because I am a bit older than most people, and because I have been taking initiative in the duties we've been assigned that everyone listens and respects me, which is super nice. The only class we had in the morning was a masterclass with the musical director of Sweet Charity. Basically for the whole morning, we learned the whole "Rhythm of Life" song. it's funny because I had actually learned this song while in Young Canadians, but I had learned the pg versin, and it had been a lot shorter as well. I was kind of annoyed at our group today, actually, because here we were with this AMAZING teacher who is working ON the West End, and some of the class couldn't even stop talking for three hours to learn some amazing things. Ah well, I can only focus on what I am doing, and so overall I really liked this! I love the song, and think the teacher was super nice...probably a bit too nice actually, hahaha! We then had lunch, and I went over to the grocery store to buy food...it's just so much cheaper doing this way. After lunch, we had more rehearsals for our showcase. The girls started learning a new song called You'll Never Walk Alone, and I have to say, we are preeeeetty damn good! It's four part harmony, and it is STUNNING! The guys have another number as well, they are doing Officer Krupke from West Side Story, and I know it's going to be awesome! Went home, and had dinner, watched Silence of the Lambs ( and a guy named Dan is suuuuuuper good at being Lecter...super creepy!, talked for a long time with Kim and Christina ( a much needed talk!) and then went to bed! I love those two...I don't want to leave in less than a week...definitely not ready.
Tuesday:
Up again at 6:30, breakfast at 7:30, and off to Mountview at 9 for dance and vocal warm up. In the morning, our class was split up into our two groups again for acting and dance. I had acting first. we basically talked about uniting and beating, verbing, motivations, obstacles and then our teacher (Jo Walsh from last week) showed us a bunch of books we should read. I wrote notes, and wrote down a bunch of the titles that I want to read. What I got from this, is basically if ANYONE tells me I am "musical theatre acting" Imma kick their butt! it is the SAME...the same process, character development...same everything. The difference is content...and sometimes you have to elevate the characterizations. An actor has to earn the right to heighten the character though, and so many people don't...which is where lots of poor productions come from. A character like Adelaide still has to be based in absolute truth, with real human feelings and motivations to be real on stage. Only then can she be heightened to who she has to be on stage. I liked that a lot! After that we had dance class. He was like a dancing Jackie Chan. I loved him. He does the dance auditions for Mountview, so he put us through what he would do IN an audition. We did another grueling warm up with him (though not even close to as bad as slow-and-painful death) and then did across the floor stuff. We then had about 15 minutes to learn a dance from Hairspray, which was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fun. I loved it...GOD I want to be in that show someday! I feel like I did a good job in this class, and saw the teacher looking at me quite a bit and smiling/nodding that sort of thing, so I got super excited. Goodness...I am getting more confident everyday that I chose the right industry for me! After this we had lunch, and then after lunch we had rehearsals for the showcase. The ladies didn't do a whoooooooole lot after lunch, mostly just waiting for the boys to choreograph Krupke. Our newest song, You'll Never Walk Alone, we are just sitting down and singing it...there is a little scene between Kim and Steven where he throws her to the ground, so we are basically telling her we are there for her. It's really nice. After class, we all went back to Chester, had dinner, watched Jeepers Creepers (which is the STUPIDEST horror movie ever...but still entertaining, especially with a bunch of musical theatre people watching it together!) and then went to bed!
Wednesday:
Another incredibly awesome day! Up at 6:30 for a 7:30 breakfast, and at Mountview by 9:30. We did a review of the showcase so far, and then a bit of a vocal warm up. We had individual singing lessons again. I worked with Claire Daniels (the woman from last week) again, and she was just as awesome the second time around. I did some range work, and more relaxing while singing exercises. I did some more work on Everything Else, and then had time to ask some questions. She told me it was good I hadn't had lessons before this because I am a clean slate to be taught, but still had a good natural voice. She told me lessons now would be a good idea because my voice is maturing, and I am sassy enough to tell a teacher if I don't agree with what I am being taught. I need to work on support in my highest notes of my range because I find them quite easy, so I can get a bit lazy with them! Very informative once again! After that we had Nick Holder again. (I thought it was Holden, but it's Holder!) I didn't get to perform again, but even just watching him work with others teaches me so much, and is SO inspiring. A group of us got to talk to him after class for a long time. I opened up more than I thought I would about my mindframe about myself, and my past with gymnastics. He was firm but very supportive. Yes I was told I couldn't do things, but I listened and believed them. He really thinks I can make it in the London industry, and told me he will be waiting for my return. God...I pretty much love the man, and have only seen him for 3 hours of my life. I truly feel like he has taught me more in 3 hours than I have been taught by any other single teacher I have ever met. We then had lunch, and then rehearsals for the showcase. We learned the last dance of our showcase, which is Run Freedom Run from Urinetown. It's SOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun!!! It is a gospel song, and it's fast, fun, and suuuuuuper high energy! A great song to end our show on! The dance captains decided that we'd show up at 9 tomorrow with the rest of the group to go over things! After class Christina, Sian, Alice I. and I went to go watch Billy Elliot. Oh. My. GOD. it is amaaaaaaaaaaaazing! I can totally understand why it won the Tony Award for best musical now. It is just stunning...the story, the songs, and the DANCING...my god. The boy who played Elliot was 12...ok? 12! And he is a junior associate of the London Ballet company, and was stunning at acting and singing as well...actually ALL of the kids in it were amazing. And the adults...just everything. So far, this has been my favourite London musical! I cried like a tiny child while watching it! After this (it took forEVER to get to and from the theatre....it and Wicked were way the hell out of central London...so it was a long trip) we got back to Chester way later than we all wanted (but it was SO worth it) so we rushed to bed, so we could get up early again!
Thursday:
Up at 6:30, breakfast at 7:30, Mountview at 9 for review and vocal warm up. I don't have a WHOLE lot to say about this day. It was a full day of rehearsal from 10-5. We got all the transitions down, and just nit-picked until it was all clean. It was a long day of dance, but super fun. I just love Lainey...I cannot believe I was so scared of her at first. I think she really likes me as well, she keeps mentioning me in her talks to us, and telling me to remember things she says so I can lead the group later. She is not going to be there tomorrow for the rehearsals or our showcase, so it is Mike England (singing teacher), Cameron, and I who are kind of running it tomorrow. Mike will be bbviously doing singing, Cameron is the acting, and I (with Georgie) am acting as Lainey's eyes for the dancing part! At the end of the day Lainey thanked all of us, and gave a special thanks to the dance captains, though especially to Georgie and I because we had done a WHOLE lot over the two weeks! Then we all went home, and had dinner, and sang together until bedtime. We are all getting kind of emotional about the prospect of leaving. I don't even want to think about it yet...after this, we went home and had dinner and THEN, Christina, Kim and I caught a troll...for real, hahahh! We saw a little troll statue on a balcony and had a little adventure taking it. We decided that we are going to mail him around to each other and take picture of it at iconic places in our Country! Kim is getting him first, so Troll will be off to Hong Kong first! Hahahah, SUCH a good time, SO much laughter! Then it was time for bed!
friday:
SUCH A GOOD DAY! Up at 6:30, breakfast 7:30 (where we showed the troll to everyone! ahahahahahah), Mountview at 9:30. We did a bit of a warm up, review, and vocal warm up too. The morning was rehearsals for the showcase in the afternoon. We ran each dance and cleaned it up, and then ran the whole thing twice, and had notes. Then we had lunch, we all ate at the cantina, and after that went and did our hair and make up. SO many pictures we taken today!!! I had also brought my camera, so I have a bunch of pics from today! We did our showcase, and it went SUPER well, I think! We had about 60 or so people watching, parents and friends and alumni! We finished it, and then were given a certificate of achievement, took group photos, and then bam...the course was over by about 3:30. I can't even believe it's over. Good thing we have plans for tonight, or I'd be a mess. We went to a pub just down the road from Mountview, and had a few drinks, sang too loudly, and then eventually had to say goodbye to people. God...I cried so much. I don't want to say goodbye to these people. Toby gave me his hat he used as a costume piece from our showcase, so I can bring it to Canada when I get back. I had to say goodbye to Sian as well...AUGH...sucks so MUCH! After this, a bunch of us went to Central London to see one last show before we left. Christina, Steven and I went to go see Blood Brothers, while a few more people watched Avenue Q (which I had seen the first time I went to London.) Blood brothers is SO fantastic! The second half especially. It's about twins being separated...so needless to say I cried SO much again! After that, we all decided being our last night together, who really gave a shit if we were tired, we'd all go out dancing, so we went to this shitty little club and danced and drank! We caught the last possible tube, and then I stayed up even later talking to friends. Eventually we just got WAY too tired, and all went to bed.
Saturday:
God damn it...last day. This effing SUCKS. It's after the fact, so I am going to write about the whole experience of this day. I got up early ish (I had been getting up at 6:30 the whole time, so getting up at wasn't hard even after staying up too late!) We all had breakfast together, and then we all packed up and brought our bags to the office for safekeeping. Basically, we just stayed in and talked until one by one people started having to leave. Saying goodbye was extremely difficult. I mean...I know I only knew these people for two weeks, but I have made veeeery good friends with them. Many MANY tears were had today. I HATED saying goodbye to Georgie. Her and Alice I. were the first of my closest friends to leave. God. We WILL stay in touch, I KNOW it. It sucked saying goodbye to everyone though. Lauren, Sasha, Xalvador, just to name a couple. AUGH. Then more and more people had to go as well. Then there were only a few of us left who had to catch the tube to our various places of departure. Roel, Kim, Alice W., Christina and I caught the tube together. I cried each time someone had to get off. I lost it most thoroughly when Kim and Christina had to go though. GOD. So there I was...sobbing by myself on a tube, and then this busker comes onto our car with a stereo and a microphone, and sang this horrible pervy love song and started pole dancing badly. So I go from crying, to laughing hysterically. Man...I bet the people on the tube thought I was insane. I saw a super hot man across from me though, and talked to him for like...40 minutes before he had to get off the tube as well. Man...but I would go from happy, to sad in a matter of seconds...and cry at any excuse. I did NOT want to leave at ALL. I met two other people who were flying to Calgary as well, so that was alright. After the long ass tube ride, I got my money back from my oyster card, and followed the signs to where I needed to go through security, and then to where I needed to wait for my gate to open. I had a bagel for lunch, and just read a book until my gate opened finally. I went to my gate, and waited around there for a bit, and was let on the plane just fine! I was beside this dude who was SUPER twitchy and kept clearing his throat, so I actually think he may have had mild turrets or something, but he was super nice and helped me fill out my declaration sheet thing. I watched like..4 movies the way back as well, because I knew I shouldn't sleep so I could become less jet lagged. After the long flight, I got through customs just fine, got my luggage and saw Jo, Mom and Dad waiting for me at the airport. It was SO nice to see them. I mean, I didn't want to leave at all, but it was really good to have them there and hug them, and talk with them! We had had dinner on the plane, but because of the time difference, it was dinner time again when I got to Calgary. So parents took me out to Chinese food, but I was SOOOOOOOO tired I could barely function. My eyes were pretty much slits, and I couldn't keep them any more open than that. We drove home, I hung out about the house, and went to bed as soon as I possibly could!
Calgary:
The next day we had a BBQ with the family the next day. It was nice to see aunts, uncles, cousins, and all of them. I was still SUPER tired and jet lagged, but it was really nice. We were there for a long time, which was good, because I had to leave Calgary the next day. The next day I went shopping with mom for some stuff, and then I was off to Victoria again, and my plane was delayed for over an hour, but whatevs, I had a book. And I could nap a bit, too. So yeah, I was picked up at the Vic airport by Graeme, and we visited, and the next day life began as normal once again.
I have learned so much from this trip, have a new confidence, validation, support, and positivity that I didn't have before. I know where I want to go in one year from now, and will do everything I can to ensure that I make it back there. New decisions and new choices, I will believe in myself, and let the old lies die. I will remember this experience forever, and can't wait for my future. I am ready for fourth year, and then to go and take risks I didn't know I ever could before this! I will keep in touch with all the people I've met here, including all my friends, Nick Holder, and the teachers if I can. I've found where I belong, and I am not going to forget that, ever! <3
Kesinee
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Day 7, one week!
Alright, so it has been a week, and MAN has it ever flown by! Got up at 6:30 again, for breakfast with the clan at 7:30, and left for Mountview at 8:30. Today was 7 hours of rehearsal for our shawcase, so I don't have a ton to write about. I mean, we did a lot, but I can't just write out what I did in the dances. We choreographed three full dances in the one day. Check it Out, My Body, and the boy's dance called Use What You've Got were done. It was a good day full of hard work, and tons of fun! In Check it Out, I am playing a super aggressive prostitute, and get a tiny little featured line in the dance, so that's exciting. It's a really hard hitting dance, with lots of chaos and energy set on a busy street in New York! My Body is the girl's dance, and we are ALL prostitutes in this dance. It is also full of energy, hard hitting, passionate and very aggressive. We are all defending our right to use our bodies how we want to. I also get to dance for a little bit in the boys dance, haha, and I am playing a prostitute in that one, too...it's a dance about hustlers and how they have to use what they got, to get what they want! I have pretty exciting news about today as well. I was asked by the woman I was super intimidated by at first to be one of four dance captains for the group. SO...I guess I didn't have anything to worry about. I am doing really well, am not homesick yet, and feel like I could really end up doing this for real.
After class, we all came back and got a little dressed up, and then me and four other lovely ladies went out to an adorable restaurant called Giraffe, had a drink and some dessert (I had chocolate cheesecake...mmmmmMMMmmmm) and chatted for a bit. My stomach is actually sore from all the laughing that went on last night, too. My goodness the people here are hilarious. I love them, love this, and love the city the program...everything SO much! We got to relax, and it was lovely. THEN, we walked back to Chester, and watched 10 Things I Hate About You, and then went to bed.
I "slept in" until 9 this morning, which was lovely actually...got 9 hours of sleep, which is a new thing, hahaha. I have done nothing so far today except run through my dances a little in my room and watch an episode of So You Think You Can Dance. I am going to watch the matinee performance of Billy Elliot today, and of Legally Blonde tomorrow, so the weekend is going to rock!!!
I am feeling SO optimistic in myself. I mean...I knew I didn't suck at dance, or acting or singing, but it's such an inspiring thing to know that others who are in the business for real, really believe in you. My confidence has gone up in HUGE intervals this week about everything about myself. God...I really do feel like working in this industry could be a real possibility for me.
Well, I am off to get ready for the play, and for lunch, and to just relax and enjoy this weekend (and get over my voice, and my suuuuuuuper stiff muscles!)
Lovelovelove!!!! <3
After class, we all came back and got a little dressed up, and then me and four other lovely ladies went out to an adorable restaurant called Giraffe, had a drink and some dessert (I had chocolate cheesecake...mmmmmMMMmmmm) and chatted for a bit. My stomach is actually sore from all the laughing that went on last night, too. My goodness the people here are hilarious. I love them, love this, and love the city the program...everything SO much! We got to relax, and it was lovely. THEN, we walked back to Chester, and watched 10 Things I Hate About You, and then went to bed.
I "slept in" until 9 this morning, which was lovely actually...got 9 hours of sleep, which is a new thing, hahaha. I have done nothing so far today except run through my dances a little in my room and watch an episode of So You Think You Can Dance. I am going to watch the matinee performance of Billy Elliot today, and of Legally Blonde tomorrow, so the weekend is going to rock!!!
I am feeling SO optimistic in myself. I mean...I knew I didn't suck at dance, or acting or singing, but it's such an inspiring thing to know that others who are in the business for real, really believe in you. My confidence has gone up in HUGE intervals this week about everything about myself. God...I really do feel like working in this industry could be a real possibility for me.
Well, I am off to get ready for the play, and for lunch, and to just relax and enjoy this weekend (and get over my voice, and my suuuuuuuper stiff muscles!)
Lovelovelove!!!! <3
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