Have any of you felt like you can be surrounded by people and still be absolutely, painfully lonely? Well...I didn't think so until this summer...or maybe this moment. Or this week. I don't know when this feeling started, but it has grown now, and I thought it was worth writing about. I see people all around me making all of these meaningful and fulfilling relationships, and I feel so lonely. Even when I, myself, am making connections of my own. I miss my "in the woods" gang, I miss my UVic friends, I miss having a community in a cast of a play, and I miss having a romantic connection to another human being. Although what I am about to write is probably false...I feel like I am not as missed as I miss others. Does that make sense? I feel like...at this moment...if I faded into the background, and didn't reach out to anyone...no one would reach back to me. And I know that is selfish, and mean, or whatever to feel that. And it IS feel that...I KNOW logically this is all retarded...that it's all a part of my feeling unworthy for certain things...maybe I am just scared about the future changing...I don't know. Man...it COULD just be that I have been chronically exhausted all summer. ha. And I know that my mood swings like a giant pendulum anyways, so tomorrow, I may read this and be all...umm...whaaaat? But for now...this is how I am feeling.
Love you guys. I don't know how I'd live without you all <3
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3 comments:
Never doubt for a second that I miss you and love you as much as you do me. I'll be back soon, and we are gonna do whatever you want to do, and I will make sure we have an awesome time. And remember, London!
Aww Kes! BIIIIG HUUUG!!
Its funny I read this today as I was just thinking how I haven't really been in contact with folks much as of late (minus Ali) and how I missed you guys. I think I know what you mean though about the fading away business, I get that sometimes too, so we can be selfish poopypants together!!
Anyhew, it's not long now at all! How goes the finding a place in Vic? I am really sad about us not living together anymore though, that was such funtimes and I am afraid we wont see eachother near as much this year. (well duh Hermit, you arent going to see eachother as much, but you know what I mean what with crappy schedules and being super busy and whatnot) We must make our Housewatching parties happen!!
Hermy
P.S. my 'word' is plumpa, hehe, that makes me smile!
thanks guys. I love you tons. Can't wait to see you tomorrow Ali. Hermit, we will definitely do the House watching thing. If we had time last year, we'll have time this year!!! I MISS YOU.
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