I am SO excited. I just finished my last assignment of the 2009 year! SO STOKED! I just have to hand it in tomorrow, and then I am free. I get to come home on the morning of the 12th. WAY TO EXCITED!!!! hmmm, what to say. This semester has been effing crazy. So full of ups and downs, and topsy turvies. I have learned so much this year, and really feel like I am improving as a student, an actor, and a person.
I want to know what you all want for your presents. Tell me so I can buy you wonderful things. But not too expensive things...as I am poor.
I got my hair cut. I like it.
I am grasping at things to blog about........
I think in the new year, once we separate again, we need to bring back the phone date. I had a lovely one with Hannah, which lasted 2.5 hours, and I felt all lovely and happy after, because typing doesn't let me hear you, and I miss all of your beautiful voices almost as much as I miss your faces, and everything else about you.
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
I really have nothing to blog about...which is kind of depressing...but not really...but maybe a little bit.
I want a pet. Anything...at this point, even sea monkeys is better than nothing. But ideally, I want another guinea pig that I can actually have in my OWN place, or a dog.
I want to come home nowwwwwwwww.
Love you all!
Monday, December 7, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
Getting restless...
...this always happens to me. I get restless, I get bored, and feel the need to move on somewhere. I am loving school...but I am not as challenged as I want to be. I want to be pushed beyond where I ever thought possible. I want to set goals, knowing they may not be possible, so if I do achieve them, it is that much better. I want to be excited and frightened all the time. I want to be surprised by myself and my achievments. And I feel like I can't have this here. Don't get me wrong...the talent here is incredible...but I feel too safe in this school, I think. No...being safe is a good thing...but...ok. In movement, I feel like because I have had such a background in physical things, I don't have to challenge myself to excel. I am getting A's in everything, and I have yet to really feel like I worked as hard as I should. In voice, it is a little more of a challenge, but after being directed by the prof, and having a good background in vocal things as well (singing) I feel like I am getting quite good at that too. Acting is still a challenge. There is always something to work on. I don't think I will ever feel satisfied with my acting, and that is a good thing. I want dance lessons, singing lessons, I want to learn stage combat...so many things that will help in acting. But I am also afraid that I am not good enough. What if i get to be challenged only to find out that I am nowhere near as good as I thought I could be. Life is strange that way. It gives you all your desires, without answering whether they can be met or not. I guess we'll just have to ride it out and see.
Love you!
Kesinee
Love you!
Kesinee
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Shwa?...
...and HOW the hell am I 21??? WTF? I feel like a five year old. My goodness, where have the years gone? hahahahaha!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
My new place...
...is AMAZING! The landlord is great, we have a pitbull named Franklin, who is great, the place is perfect for Kayla and I, I love Kayla, my bedroom is huge, and I love it. I am just peachy. You all have to come see it someday soon. School starts soon, and I am stoked. Life is super. I found out that basically my landlord Jim and I are the same person, except he is 75 and male. Hahahah, it's great. We love old jazz, feel the same way about fate, believe cars and houses and things have names, and that they name themselves (like Myrtle), love reading...basically I was totally meant to live here. YAY! Miss you all like crazy. UPDATE FOOLS!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
hmm
Have any of you felt like you can be surrounded by people and still be absolutely, painfully lonely? Well...I didn't think so until this summer...or maybe this moment. Or this week. I don't know when this feeling started, but it has grown now, and I thought it was worth writing about. I see people all around me making all of these meaningful and fulfilling relationships, and I feel so lonely. Even when I, myself, am making connections of my own. I miss my "in the woods" gang, I miss my UVic friends, I miss having a community in a cast of a play, and I miss having a romantic connection to another human being. Although what I am about to write is probably false...I feel like I am not as missed as I miss others. Does that make sense? I feel like...at this moment...if I faded into the background, and didn't reach out to anyone...no one would reach back to me. And I know that is selfish, and mean, or whatever to feel that. And it IS feel that...I KNOW logically this is all retarded...that it's all a part of my feeling unworthy for certain things...maybe I am just scared about the future changing...I don't know. Man...it COULD just be that I have been chronically exhausted all summer. ha. And I know that my mood swings like a giant pendulum anyways, so tomorrow, I may read this and be all...umm...whaaaat? But for now...this is how I am feeling.
Love you guys. I don't know how I'd live without you all <3
Love you guys. I don't know how I'd live without you all <3
Thursday, June 25, 2009
What a great week.
This week has been wonderful. I have put things behind me that I needed to, I reconciled something that has been causing me and others far too much grief for what it was...a misunderstanding..., and I got other things out of the way that I needed to do. God I love when the world just seems to aid your life along. I feel more relaxed and at peace after this week.
Thank the Lord for that!
Thank the Lord for that!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Here's what I think...
...people should update. Phone calls are expensive...none of you use facebook often...I MISS YOU..and want to know what's going on in your lives. Until I visit, this is my main link with youuuuu. (This is nicely directed towards Rita and Hannah, as I can see Jo, and Ali, and Kathleen has been updating. But even Ali and Jo should update. 'Cause it's fun to read these.)
In other news, Daycamps have started...well training...which means I AM MAKING MONEY! Thank the lord for that one!
That's really it, actually...hahaha.
UPDATE!
Love
Kesinee
In other news, Daycamps have started...well training...which means I AM MAKING MONEY! Thank the lord for that one!
That's really it, actually...hahaha.
UPDATE!
Love
Kesinee
Thursday, June 18, 2009
AUGH
I wanted to get pets, but then realized I hadn't named my sloth, I went back and named him, but now I have TWO...not ONE...and one is STILL unnamed. How does one go about deleting unnamed pets, so I can have one sloth?
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
hmm, I want to write a story for you.
Alright...I shall begin:
Once upon a time there was Suzy. Now, Suzy was a crazy little thing, let me tell you. She enjoyed the colour red above all others (like blood you see...), had a terrible ibuprofen addiction, and had a scream so loud it could make windows explode and cause the innocent woman walking across the street to be impaled with hundreds of glass shards and to bleed until not even eating an entire raw cow would allow her to get the iron she needed to remain alive.
Suzy had no friends. For anyone else, this would be depressing, but not for Suzy. She didn't like people much, and enjoyed causing immense amount of pain to anyone who got in her diabolical way. No one ever questioned Suzy's actions, for if they did, she would just scream in their ear, until their brain turned to porridge and they were left drooling and moaning for the rest of their lives. Nothing made Suzy happier than turning people into pitiful vegetables. Nothing.
Not even newspapers would publish the devilish deeds of the evil torturer Suzy. They were too afraid. One brave magazine tried publishing a story once, when Suzy ripped through an entire woman's body, making the poor victim rupture until all that remained was a pile of blood and vomit. It was not pretty. That magazine has never been heard from again. It's been said all that remains of the publishers are charred bits of fingernails, and if you walk by where the magazine used to be, you can still hear the echos of Suzy's infamous scream.
Suzy spends most of her time in hiding, but her murderous urges just can't be contained forever. Once a month she comes out of her treacherous abode (no one knows for sure where she hides) and goes on a week long killing, and torturing spree. She doesn't eat. She doesn't sleep. She doesn't even have the time to blink. She just goes absolutely crazy. The unfortunate thing is, Suzy only attacks women.
There is hope. There is one known survivor of a Suzy attack. Although her rampage on this one victim is not ever, it seems like all will be well, and although she will come out a changed woman, she WILL come out of it. This woman is known as Kesinee. For over a week now, Kesinee has been a victim of Suzy. She hasn't been able to sleep, hasn't been able to relax, and has even shown signs of the horrible ibuprofen addiction Suzy demonstrates, but she will survive. I know she will. She must. She is the one hope for all humankind. Suzy must die.
The End.
I hope you enjoyed it. If you hadn't figured it out by now, this is a short, metaphorical story about the most painful and horrible period of my entire life EVER that I am currently going though. WORST. EVER. I got the pill in order to make the cramps better, but I guess I didn't start them at the right time...so my hormones are all messed up, and the pain is almost beyond bearing, and it has lasted SOOOOO loooooong...more than a week now folks. Kill me now. I feel like I could drink blood and still be anemic. Delicious, I know.
Now that I have sufficiently grossed you out...I say mission accomplished.
Love,
Kesinee
Once upon a time there was Suzy. Now, Suzy was a crazy little thing, let me tell you. She enjoyed the colour red above all others (like blood you see...), had a terrible ibuprofen addiction, and had a scream so loud it could make windows explode and cause the innocent woman walking across the street to be impaled with hundreds of glass shards and to bleed until not even eating an entire raw cow would allow her to get the iron she needed to remain alive.
Suzy had no friends. For anyone else, this would be depressing, but not for Suzy. She didn't like people much, and enjoyed causing immense amount of pain to anyone who got in her diabolical way. No one ever questioned Suzy's actions, for if they did, she would just scream in their ear, until their brain turned to porridge and they were left drooling and moaning for the rest of their lives. Nothing made Suzy happier than turning people into pitiful vegetables. Nothing.
Not even newspapers would publish the devilish deeds of the evil torturer Suzy. They were too afraid. One brave magazine tried publishing a story once, when Suzy ripped through an entire woman's body, making the poor victim rupture until all that remained was a pile of blood and vomit. It was not pretty. That magazine has never been heard from again. It's been said all that remains of the publishers are charred bits of fingernails, and if you walk by where the magazine used to be, you can still hear the echos of Suzy's infamous scream.
Suzy spends most of her time in hiding, but her murderous urges just can't be contained forever. Once a month she comes out of her treacherous abode (no one knows for sure where she hides) and goes on a week long killing, and torturing spree. She doesn't eat. She doesn't sleep. She doesn't even have the time to blink. She just goes absolutely crazy. The unfortunate thing is, Suzy only attacks women.
There is hope. There is one known survivor of a Suzy attack. Although her rampage on this one victim is not ever, it seems like all will be well, and although she will come out a changed woman, she WILL come out of it. This woman is known as Kesinee. For over a week now, Kesinee has been a victim of Suzy. She hasn't been able to sleep, hasn't been able to relax, and has even shown signs of the horrible ibuprofen addiction Suzy demonstrates, but she will survive. I know she will. She must. She is the one hope for all humankind. Suzy must die.
The End.
I hope you enjoyed it. If you hadn't figured it out by now, this is a short, metaphorical story about the most painful and horrible period of my entire life EVER that I am currently going though. WORST. EVER. I got the pill in order to make the cramps better, but I guess I didn't start them at the right time...so my hormones are all messed up, and the pain is almost beyond bearing, and it has lasted SOOOOO loooooong...more than a week now folks. Kill me now. I feel like I could drink blood and still be anemic. Delicious, I know.
Now that I have sufficiently grossed you out...I say mission accomplished.
Love,
Kesinee
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Kesinee vs the Economy...
So I need a job. However...there seem to be no jobs available. So that is fun...oh wait. No. No it's not.
I just need one for a month and a bit...until June 22...but it is so HARD to find one in a city where no one is hiring anybody. BLERG. And my fam will keep pestering me everyday about it...even though I am trying hard to find one. Lame.
So anyways...if any of you know of jobs available...that would kick some serious butt. Even if you know of people who need like...babysitters or something. Even that would be helpful.
Anyways...I better get used to this whole...scrounging for money thing...yay actors. Actors unite in poverty. It's no wonder actors are so emotional really...because with no money...you have nothing to do...so you have tons of time to cultivate all those nasty darker emotions lurking in the shadow of every human presence. Like...depression over lack of funds...for example.
Good times.
Anyways, on to happier things. I am home, and I am enjoying it. I am. I miss Vic a lot...the sun mostly...and my acting class, but I LOVE being here to see you guys. Hannah...I still need to see you. I miss you like a potty-trained toddler misses being able to crap in his/her pants. I'm told it's warm and comforting...and for that reason I use the analogy...not because I think comparing friends to poo is funny...never me.
I saw the new Star Trek movie. I LOVED IT. It was SOOOOO good. Seriously. I knew enough about the show to enjoy the "nerdy" gems, but the show as a separate entity even from the tv series was awesome! I definitely think you all should go see it right now. Are you leaving now to see it? You should.
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why haven't you gone to see it yet? Huh?
Anyways, as long as you're still here...uhhh...I've really got nothing else to talk about. OH WAIT. Yes I do. I need to read some more good books. I've kind of exhausted my pile of books and need more. Suggestions anyone?
ALSO, the House finale? SOOOO GOOOOOOD. I just about crapped my pants in awe of it's glory. MAN...Hugh Laurie is amazing. If I could have just a tiny ass fraction of his acting talent...I would be set for life. I mean it. I think he is just...incredible. He can act ANYTHING and make it look good. Stupid uppity Londoner? Check. Stupid silly British comic skits? Check. Dark Brooding medical geniuses with deep self loathing illustrated through a strong opiate addiction, covered by sarcasm and isolation from humans and human emotion? Double check. One check for the acting, and one more for the accent. My goodness.
Anyways...I am feeling sleepy...I have been kind of perpetually sleepy...I think my body is still coming down from the crazy year at school I had...and so I should be off to bed, and hopefully to slumberland. OOOOh, like in Little Nemo. Except that I am not a little boy, with a pet flying squirrel, or a flying bed, or a royal invitation to become a heir of an entire kingdom just because I fell asleep at the right time. Other than that though...I'm set.
Love Kesinee
ps. Know any rich men from London I can marry? Ok thanks.
I just need one for a month and a bit...until June 22...but it is so HARD to find one in a city where no one is hiring anybody. BLERG. And my fam will keep pestering me everyday about it...even though I am trying hard to find one. Lame.
So anyways...if any of you know of jobs available...that would kick some serious butt. Even if you know of people who need like...babysitters or something. Even that would be helpful.
Anyways...I better get used to this whole...scrounging for money thing...yay actors. Actors unite in poverty. It's no wonder actors are so emotional really...because with no money...you have nothing to do...so you have tons of time to cultivate all those nasty darker emotions lurking in the shadow of every human presence. Like...depression over lack of funds...for example.
Good times.
Anyways, on to happier things. I am home, and I am enjoying it. I am. I miss Vic a lot...the sun mostly...and my acting class, but I LOVE being here to see you guys. Hannah...I still need to see you. I miss you like a potty-trained toddler misses being able to crap in his/her pants. I'm told it's warm and comforting...and for that reason I use the analogy...not because I think comparing friends to poo is funny...never me.
I saw the new Star Trek movie. I LOVED IT. It was SOOOOO good. Seriously. I knew enough about the show to enjoy the "nerdy" gems, but the show as a separate entity even from the tv series was awesome! I definitely think you all should go see it right now. Are you leaving now to see it? You should.
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why haven't you gone to see it yet? Huh?
Anyways, as long as you're still here...uhhh...I've really got nothing else to talk about. OH WAIT. Yes I do. I need to read some more good books. I've kind of exhausted my pile of books and need more. Suggestions anyone?
ALSO, the House finale? SOOOO GOOOOOOD. I just about crapped my pants in awe of it's glory. MAN...Hugh Laurie is amazing. If I could have just a tiny ass fraction of his acting talent...I would be set for life. I mean it. I think he is just...incredible. He can act ANYTHING and make it look good. Stupid uppity Londoner? Check. Stupid silly British comic skits? Check. Dark Brooding medical geniuses with deep self loathing illustrated through a strong opiate addiction, covered by sarcasm and isolation from humans and human emotion? Double check. One check for the acting, and one more for the accent. My goodness.
Anyways...I am feeling sleepy...I have been kind of perpetually sleepy...I think my body is still coming down from the crazy year at school I had...and so I should be off to bed, and hopefully to slumberland. OOOOh, like in Little Nemo. Except that I am not a little boy, with a pet flying squirrel, or a flying bed, or a royal invitation to become a heir of an entire kingdom just because I fell asleep at the right time. Other than that though...I'm set.
Love Kesinee
ps. Know any rich men from London I can marry? Ok thanks.
Monday, April 27, 2009
GUHblergh and all the rest of it.
I only have one thing to say today: Moving can suck my hairy, slimy, smelly balls.
Thank you.
~Kesinee~
Thank you.
~Kesinee~
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Lame...
The last episode of House I saw was stupid and I hate it. AKA one actor in it is dumb...and ruined my life. Guhhhhh. He couldn't wait THREE weeks for the end of the fricking season? NO! He had to be stupid. OISHfksjdg.
I am way too addicted to this show. I actually feel personally affronted that an actor would want to leave before a season was over. That is just sad. hahahhaa. Oh well.
So I have to start cleaning my house soon. NOT excited about that. Not at all. But there is some silver lining to the dust cloud of cleaning...and that is, when I am finished...I GET TO COME HOME!!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!
I am completely done here. As in...no school left to do until September.
ALSO I had a third year audition...which is also lame...but had to be done...and apparently the letters saying whether we wasted two years of our lives or not have been sent out today. That is exciting. Except it it going to the house in Calgary...not here...so I have a lot of time to wait as I don't want parents to open it.
I had a weird conversation with Hermit last night about what "home" is. I realized neither Calgary or Victoria is exactly home to me. Victoria is where I go to school, and Calgary is my parents' house for the summer where I used to live...but neither place is my real "home" anymore. I mean, I am welcome in my parents' house, and it feels good when I am there, and i is fucking awesome to see you guys...but there is a part of me that feels like a guest there now...and that feeling grows with each year...the more I mature and become independent. It's weird. And then Victoria is a wonderful place to learn and grow and mature, but I know it's only a temporary living place for me...so I don't feel completely at home here either. I definitely have a niche here in the theatre, with friends and such...but the city is not my home. Haha, I guess this means that although I have shelter and all that's needed to survive...I am homeless in the global society. I don't know where I belong yet. I know I will always belong with you guys...no matter where I am...and always with my family...and the friends I am making here...but I haven't found a city that a relate to, and feel like I could prosper and thrive in as of yet. I wonder if I ever will. I want to go to London because I felt a strong connection...even a physical connection walking down the streets...to the place, but I don't know if I belong there either. I guess there's one way to find out. Maybe it's because I am an impatient person. Maybe I will never fit in anywhere because I will always be looking for the place I should fit into. Maybe I am meant to travel all over the globe. I have no idea. Hahah, but a large part of me is ready to start trying to find out.
Well...I certainly wasn't expecting to write about this today...but I had time, and was thinking about it last night so why not, eh?
I want to go downtown today...I wonder if anyone will want to come with me...I think I'll go call or facebook people.
Love you all dearly, and see you in two short weeks!
Kes
I am way too addicted to this show. I actually feel personally affronted that an actor would want to leave before a season was over. That is just sad. hahahhaa. Oh well.
So I have to start cleaning my house soon. NOT excited about that. Not at all. But there is some silver lining to the dust cloud of cleaning...and that is, when I am finished...I GET TO COME HOME!!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!
I am completely done here. As in...no school left to do until September.
ALSO I had a third year audition...which is also lame...but had to be done...and apparently the letters saying whether we wasted two years of our lives or not have been sent out today. That is exciting. Except it it going to the house in Calgary...not here...so I have a lot of time to wait as I don't want parents to open it.
I had a weird conversation with Hermit last night about what "home" is. I realized neither Calgary or Victoria is exactly home to me. Victoria is where I go to school, and Calgary is my parents' house for the summer where I used to live...but neither place is my real "home" anymore. I mean, I am welcome in my parents' house, and it feels good when I am there, and i is fucking awesome to see you guys...but there is a part of me that feels like a guest there now...and that feeling grows with each year...the more I mature and become independent. It's weird. And then Victoria is a wonderful place to learn and grow and mature, but I know it's only a temporary living place for me...so I don't feel completely at home here either. I definitely have a niche here in the theatre, with friends and such...but the city is not my home. Haha, I guess this means that although I have shelter and all that's needed to survive...I am homeless in the global society. I don't know where I belong yet. I know I will always belong with you guys...no matter where I am...and always with my family...and the friends I am making here...but I haven't found a city that a relate to, and feel like I could prosper and thrive in as of yet. I wonder if I ever will. I want to go to London because I felt a strong connection...even a physical connection walking down the streets...to the place, but I don't know if I belong there either. I guess there's one way to find out. Maybe it's because I am an impatient person. Maybe I will never fit in anywhere because I will always be looking for the place I should fit into. Maybe I am meant to travel all over the globe. I have no idea. Hahah, but a large part of me is ready to start trying to find out.
Well...I certainly wasn't expecting to write about this today...but I had time, and was thinking about it last night so why not, eh?
I want to go downtown today...I wonder if anyone will want to come with me...I think I'll go call or facebook people.
Love you all dearly, and see you in two short weeks!
Kes
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Too long my friends
It has been too long since I updated this thingy! Well, now I am in the midst of homework, and in desperate need of procrastination techniques, and voila! Here I go!
Let's see...school is fricking almost fricking over. I cannot WAIT! I am done classes...I was done classes last Wed., but I still have assignments due. Which sucks, because in my HEAD I am done school. But I'm not. Hahaha. OH well.
I miss you guys. It is SO nice living with Hermit, because I get to see her most days. And I love that. And miss that with the rest of you. Jo, Ali, Ratty, nomad...it has been TOooOooOooooOo longgg. When are you all back in the C dot? If you are coming back at all? I believe I don't come back until the veeeeery end of April or beginning of May. I want to be back NOW. And have a massive sleepover, and just talk for hours.
The show, Medea, closed. I think it went well. I had auditions for Romeo and Juliet (the first show of next year) and I found out recently that I got into it! Play nombre 3 homies!! I am excited! I don't know WHO I am in it yet, but I don't care. I get to be on the stage again! YAYYYY!
I need groceries pronto. When I am done my homework for today, I will buy some. Hopefully. I think I have onions left. Onions and flour. Those are not the makings for a very substantial meal by any means. Ok, I exaggerate. I DO have more than onions and flour. But not much more. So I need to get on that.
What else?
I want to watch a movie. The Reader perhaps. I need to see most of the oscar winners still. We should do that when we're all home!
Ok, I really should head off to get more work done now.
Love you, miss you, can't wait to see you much longer!
~Kesinee~
Let's see...school is fricking almost fricking over. I cannot WAIT! I am done classes...I was done classes last Wed., but I still have assignments due. Which sucks, because in my HEAD I am done school. But I'm not. Hahaha. OH well.
I miss you guys. It is SO nice living with Hermit, because I get to see her most days. And I love that. And miss that with the rest of you. Jo, Ali, Ratty, nomad...it has been TOooOooOooooOo longgg. When are you all back in the C dot? If you are coming back at all? I believe I don't come back until the veeeeery end of April or beginning of May. I want to be back NOW. And have a massive sleepover, and just talk for hours.
The show, Medea, closed. I think it went well. I had auditions for Romeo and Juliet (the first show of next year) and I found out recently that I got into it! Play nombre 3 homies!! I am excited! I don't know WHO I am in it yet, but I don't care. I get to be on the stage again! YAYYYY!
I need groceries pronto. When I am done my homework for today, I will buy some. Hopefully. I think I have onions left. Onions and flour. Those are not the makings for a very substantial meal by any means. Ok, I exaggerate. I DO have more than onions and flour. But not much more. So I need to get on that.
What else?
I want to watch a movie. The Reader perhaps. I need to see most of the oscar winners still. We should do that when we're all home!
Ok, I really should head off to get more work done now.
Love you, miss you, can't wait to see you much longer!
~Kesinee~
Saturday, January 31, 2009
A New Day
A Good Day! So I had a Medea rehearsal, and the director noticed I could dance and sing well, and so she kind of gave me a more important role within the chorus. And a lot more singing. I am pretty stoked about it!
SOOOO when are you all going to come visit me and Kathleen, eh?
Luff you!
SOOOO when are you all going to come visit me and Kathleen, eh?
Luff you!
Monday, January 26, 2009
BLAHHH.
I am overwhelmed. I think people in the arts frequently become overwhelmed, what with their enormous ambitions and dreams in the hands of other people. Today, it just got to me. Other days, this prospect is easier to deal with.
I am in a scene in acting in which I play a woman who is insecure about many things that sink a littttle too close to home in some cases. She knows what she wants, but doesn't know how in hell she will ever get there. She is insecure about her appearance. She wants to find a deep, and romantic connection with people around her, when those same people are not receptive to her in that specific way, or time, or context. It just got me thinking about my life.
"I know what I want--I think about it all the time. Why can't I get there." That is a line of Paula's. A through-line, I would say, of hers in the play. And of mine in my life right now, this night, this moment. Maybe I will feel differently tomorrow. In ten minutes. Maybe just as I post this note. I don't know. That's the problem. I don't know a lot, and I have control of even less than I know.
I want someone to be able to tell me "everything will be alright!" but who the hell can tell me that without guessing, or outright lying?! No one can tell me where to go, how to act, what to do. And sometimes, that is terrifying. How do I know what I should do? I am still young, still ignorant, and naive.
The economy is going to shit. Throughout history, the first thing that goes down the tube with the economy is the arts, and more specifically theatre. So what am I doing? I am blindly jumping into the path on which I want desperately to succeed, in a time where that may not be possible.
Aaaanyways. Despite what this looks like, life is actually quite good. Rehearsals for Medea are starting tomorrow, acting and everything is going well, grades are good, and so on. Shannon came out to Victoria and took Kathleen and I out to dinner. It was so unexpected, and absolutely wonderful. I love that we basically have three sets of moms and dads. It makes life so wonderful. And you guys.
I miss you all so much. SOOOOO much. I want to see you all again. Give you all a bug hug, and just be silly and crazy! You know what we should do? We should film a stupid movie in the summer. Make it up, and just do it. It should be funny too! A romping comedy presented by the In The Woods Gang! Hahaha. lovely!
Well, it is late, I need to do a bit more homework, then have a long day tomorrow. I love you, I miss you, and I will TRY to update this more often. I promise. I will really try!
~Kesinee~
I am in a scene in acting in which I play a woman who is insecure about many things that sink a littttle too close to home in some cases. She knows what she wants, but doesn't know how in hell she will ever get there. She is insecure about her appearance. She wants to find a deep, and romantic connection with people around her, when those same people are not receptive to her in that specific way, or time, or context. It just got me thinking about my life.
"I know what I want--I think about it all the time. Why can't I get there." That is a line of Paula's. A through-line, I would say, of hers in the play. And of mine in my life right now, this night, this moment. Maybe I will feel differently tomorrow. In ten minutes. Maybe just as I post this note. I don't know. That's the problem. I don't know a lot, and I have control of even less than I know.
I want someone to be able to tell me "everything will be alright!" but who the hell can tell me that without guessing, or outright lying?! No one can tell me where to go, how to act, what to do. And sometimes, that is terrifying. How do I know what I should do? I am still young, still ignorant, and naive.
The economy is going to shit. Throughout history, the first thing that goes down the tube with the economy is the arts, and more specifically theatre. So what am I doing? I am blindly jumping into the path on which I want desperately to succeed, in a time where that may not be possible.
Aaaanyways. Despite what this looks like, life is actually quite good. Rehearsals for Medea are starting tomorrow, acting and everything is going well, grades are good, and so on. Shannon came out to Victoria and took Kathleen and I out to dinner. It was so unexpected, and absolutely wonderful. I love that we basically have three sets of moms and dads. It makes life so wonderful. And you guys.
I miss you all so much. SOOOOO much. I want to see you all again. Give you all a bug hug, and just be silly and crazy! You know what we should do? We should film a stupid movie in the summer. Make it up, and just do it. It should be funny too! A romping comedy presented by the In The Woods Gang! Hahaha. lovely!
Well, it is late, I need to do a bit more homework, then have a long day tomorrow. I love you, I miss you, and I will TRY to update this more often. I promise. I will really try!
~Kesinee~
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