Getting restless...

...this always happens to me. I get restless, I get bored, and feel the need to move on somewhere. I am loving school...but I am not as challenged as I want to be. I want to be pushed beyond where I ever thought possible. I want to set goals, knowing they may not be possible, so if I do achieve them, it is that much better. I want to be excited and frightened all the time. I want to be surprised by myself and my achievments. And I feel like I can't have this here. Don't get me wrong...the talent here is incredible...but I feel too safe in this school, I think. No...being safe is a good thing...but...ok. In movement, I feel like because I have had such a background in physical things, I don't have to challenge myself to excel. I am getting A's in everything, and I have yet to really feel like I worked as hard as I should. In voice, it is a little more of a challenge, but after being directed by the prof, and having a good background in vocal things as well (singing) I feel like I am getting quite good at that too. Acting is still a challenge. There is always something to work on. I don't think I will ever feel satisfied with my acting, and that is a good thing. I want dance lessons, singing lessons, I want to learn stage combat...so many things that will help in acting. But I am also afraid that I am not good enough. What if i get to be challenged only to find out that I am nowhere near as good as I thought I could be. Life is strange that way. It gives you all your desires, without answering whether they can be met or not. I guess we'll just have to ride it out and see.

Love you!

Kesinee