ankle surgery: a breakdown

NOTE: *** I had written this yesterday, and then deleted it because a conversation I had made me feel weird about putting this up. I woke up today, though, and realized that I wanted to share my experience, how I felt during it, all I had gone through, taken, felt etc because this blog is as much about me remembering things I have done in my life as it is about sharing it with others. So here it is again.***


Well, I have finally bitten the bullet and got my ankle reconstructed! I have gotten ankle surgery to fix two very stretched out ligaments on the outside of my ankle that I injured while in gymnastics years ago. The surgery consisted of cutting each of the two ligaments, and then overlapping the two halves (in order to shorten them), and suturing them back together. So it is a simple procedure (it was only an hour), but with a massive recovery process (4 months until full recovery.)

I went to Vancouver with my mom last Thursday, and on Friday I got ankle surgery at the Cambie Clinic in the city. I was SO effing nervous for it. So much so, that for the two days leading up, it was all I could do not to cry at all times...and I did my fair share of crying. I have an emotional nerve attached to my ankle, so it was a scary thing to contemplate. Thursday evening was nice though. My mom took me to a really nice Italian restaurant near my hotel, so that was nice. We were also put into a room with one bed, which wouldn`t have worked out with me getting surgery, so mom fought for it and the hotel gave us a room with two beds. Thank goodness! I wasn`t allowed to eat anything before the surgery starting at midnight the night before, so I had a huge dinner, and LOTS of water, and dessert with mom ending at 11:30pm.

In the morning, I got up late and then mom and I walked over to a dress shop for about an hour. I was too nervous to really appreciate it, but it was still good to have a distraction. Then we walked over to the Cambie Surgery Centre. I filled out a form, and then within 10 mins mom and I were led up some stairs and I was put into a change room where I changed into a hospital gown and then waited around foreeeever. The surgery was supposed to be at 1:15, but ended up being at 2:15. I was fitted for crutches, had a good talk with my mom, the anesthetician, the surgeon and the nurse, and then was lead into the OR.

I looked around the OR, and was lead to the surgical bed in the middle of the room. I was given an IV pretty soon, and within 10 mins was given the general anesthetic. I remember breathing deep, my heart pounding, the world getting dimmer, and feeling extremely hot before drifting off to sleep.

I woke up (in what felt like seconds) still in the OR! The operation was over, but the nurses were surprised that I was awake so soon...most people wake up in the recovery room. I vaguely remember asking if it had gone well...and they said it had, and I must have made a pain sound because the nurse asked if my ankle hurt and it really, REALLY did, so they wheeled me into the recovery room and gave me a shot of something. I fell back asleep after that. I woke up again absolutely shaking everywhere. Not only from cold (because it was chilly in the room) but also because I guess I was having some sort of shock reaction. They gave me some oxygen and eventually the shaking stopped. My ankle was beginning to really hurt a lot again, so they gave me 3 Oxycontin pills, the pain stopped, and I became SOOOOO out of it.

I guess they have phoned my mom so tell her to stop by the clinic, get my prescriptions and fill them, and then that I was ready for pick up. I was completely drugged out when I saw mom, but i was SO happy that I got to see her finally. I had spent almost 2 hours with the nurses in the recovery room, to get the pills, have apple juice and eat 2 crackers. I was transferred into a wheelchair so I could see mom, and from there was transferred into a cab, and then into another wheelchair when I got to the hotel, and then I was put into bed and had a sleep. Mom ordered me some wonton soup, and halfway through, I needed to get more pain meds, and promptly lost the ability to use my utensils, so my mom (being the Goddess she was), began to feed me, hahah.

Then basically the next two days were the same: hell. And not just for me, but for my mom as well. I wasn`t so drugged out I was no longer recognizable as myself, I was in so much pain I couldn`t speak through the tears. My mom was tirelessly looking after me, giving me pills every two hours including through the night, getting me food, keeping me sane, and helping me wash myself. The whole time I had keep my leg elevated and I kept drifting off into sleep when I could. I love my mom so much...seriously...she is the best. She endured me and my process so well, endured crippling boredom, me not laughing at jokes, my tears, my inarticulate babbling, absolutely disrupted sleep, and more...and all because she loves me and is the bes mother in the whole world. Some of my friends also made really good contact with me, making sure I was alright, keeping my spirits as high as they could, and I appreciated that to no end. Lisi came and visited me while in the hotel, and that hour and a half was just lovely. Ali came to visit me when I finally got back home and brought a bouquet of flowers (with lilies!) Gen and Sarah (and Ali as well), were texting me each day to make sure I was alright, and to keep my mind off of negative stuff. Tauhid also texted, but also Skyped me several times, which was very nice (just to name a few.) The people in the hotel were super nice to me as well. One man in the elevator on my first day back in the hotel was super supportive, and patted my hand, and made sure I had lots of room in the elevator. Some people are just so nice when given the opportunity.

On Sunday, I was able to go home. I was excited to be around my family, but it was quite an adventure getting there. I had to get into the wheelchair (and it really hurt because whenever my leg wasn't elevated it swelled, which was excruciating.) Then I had a painful cab ride to the airport. When we got there, there was a man waiting with a wheelchair, and he wheeled me to the Maple Leaf Lounge to wait for my flight. Then I had to go through security, and the stupid guard lady wanted to take off my cast to search it and give my leg a pat down...and I was like..um...FUCK NO. So she didn't ,and I got onto the aiplane. Oh my god, the first part of the plane ride hurt SO badly because there was nowhere to elevate my leg, and we were delayed, so man it sucked. Eventually I was able to put my leg up on mom's lap, which felt better. Once the plane took off, mom took her bag down and I put my leg up on that, and had a nap after some Ibuprofen. Soon, mom woke me up, gave me more Oxycontin, and I was completely out of it when we landed in Calgary. Dad picked us up after wheeling through the airport with a nice lady from the concierge, and it was lovely to see him. I got home, settled into the basement bed (in front of the tv), and have been there for 5 days now. (on my sixth day now.)

I am bed ridden for 9 more days (including today) before I get my dressings removed, (keeping my walking cast on), and then can start weight bearing on it. Days have been pretty long, with less and less pain each day (though even today it still hurts quite a bit.) I have now downgraded from Oxycontin to T3s every 4 hours, with extra strength Ibuprofen every alternating 4 hours. I have watched a LOT of television and movies...let me teeeeell you. I am getting extremely impatient to start walking around...and I don't really like being this stationary and dependent, but I am very excited to start physio in 9 days, and start my road to recovery. My surgeon said he can forsee no reason why I wouldn't be dancing in September, and that was a HUGE relief. I am going to take each day as it comes, keep as positive as I can, rely on the positivity of those around me and those people I am blessed to have on my life and who care about me, and work very hard until I will be better than I was going into this whole thing.

Hopefully there will be another update next week when I can tell you how I am progressing even more.

Until then,

Kesinee